March 10, 2015

Long Overdue

Cannot believe it has been so long since I blogged... I actually had a super long post drafted about a month ago.. had a ton of pictures and some great stories and when I hit publish, I thought it posted and then when I typed in the link to make sure everything looked ok, I realized half of my post/pics were missing.. I'm not sure what happened but I was very aggravated!(just went and posted it now just so I can share part of the post with you) lol I had been working on that post all week long and each day had added to it a little more.. I never closed out my browser on my laptop so I guess it wasn't saving properly.. Kinda ruined my blogging mood for a while! I know there is sooo much I could talk about and share about with what's going on with the Ramer Bunch, but really I am just tired.. things have been going well with the kids.. they are growing so fast and learning so much. I love watching them play together (when they are all getting along). It's such a joy to see their imaginations in play... we absolutely LOVE being outside and as long as it's not freezing cold and wet, I am sending them out the door! They explore and pretend and exercise so much more when they are outside... coming up with nonsense games and role playing and jumping on the trampoline..
On February 13, we loaded up and took the kids to Tractor Supply for Gregg to look for some new boots since the ones I bought him 10 years ago for his birthday have finally bit the dust! We walked out with NO new boots and 10 new chicks, and the stuff needed to care for them. We started building a coop a while back bc we knew that we would be getting some chickens soon.. we got a wild hair and decided to start from the beginning with the chicks.. the kids LOVED it! When we got home that night, they couldn't wait to get their hands on them.. we cleaned out an old tote and put some shavings down in the bottom of it and introduced the chicks to their new home... The next day (valentine's day) Gregg and I left for  a little one night getaway to the beach. We went out to eat and enjoyed actually having a conversation with each other with out little hands reaching for our food and mouths chattering constantly for our attention. When we got back home Sunday afternoon, my mom told me that one of the chicks wasn't doing too well. He was alot smaller than the rest of the chicks and Kaidi had already named it Tiny.. we took a good look at him and tried to get him to drink some water with a dropper.. we were unsuccessful and within about 20 minutes of us getting home, it died. To say that Kaidi was upset is an understatement. She was devastated! Cried for an hour and a half. She asked so many hard questions that, as a parent, are hard to answer, but as a parent who has lost children, were even harder to answer. She grabbed my hand and asked if I would please, please pray to God and ask him to give Tiny back.. broke my heart.. how I, too, have prayed that prayer..pleading for my children's lives.. wanting them back... her heart hurt so bad.. her tears fell so hard... I saw grief in my child and it hurt me tremendously. I held her and told her that it was going to be ok. She asked me if Tiny was in Heaven, I told her that it was. She was confused why he hadn't gone to Heaven yet... since his body was still in the box.. she kept walking up to the box and would just start crying all over again... my heart hurt for her here.. seeing her grief.... knowing that her seeing it's lifeless body brought the reality of it to her heart over and over again.... all too familiar in my own grief again... she thought he should have disappeared... I was not EVEN ready to get in to explaining the burying/soul process... she asked me if she could draw him a card so I got her some paper and she drew the prettiest little chick you ever did see and asked if I would write a letter to him for her.. I did.. it was the sweetest thing... telling him that she loved him very much and that he was her favorite chicken and that she wished he was still here. She asked me if he would take the card with him to Heaven because she really wanted him to, so I said sure. Well she walked over to the box, place the folded up card in it and just burst in tears again. "Mama, why did Tiny have to die?"  I hurt with her.. she just didn't understand.. She said she needed to go potty and wanted me to come with her.. so I'm squatted down in their with her as she sits there.. tears steadily rolling down her cheek... I go in to explain, "Kaidi, I know you are very sad about Tiny dying, but Tiny would want you to be happy and not be so sad about him dying." her response, "MAMA, he just died TODAY!"  I respond, "you are so right baby, it's ok to be sad today." we will be happy another time.... how much of a realization that is that grief has no timeline... and you can't rush it... so many times we want people to "feel better" or "get over it" or "they have to be around kids sooner or later" because their grief makes US uncomfortable... but it isn't about US... she needed time to process what happened and she needed nothing more from me than a loving shoulder to cry on and the understanding that I was there for her no matter how long it takes... I am so thankful for the blessings God sent our way in our time of grief.... the ones who were there, no matter what... who didn't rush us... who were truly just a phone call away... putting their lives aside, at times, to be there when we needed them. I call them Timely Friendships.. God sends them for "such a time as this" moments... whether it be for years, months, or even weeks.. He sends the right people in our direction to encourage us, love us and cry with/for us.... because when you are hurting... you don't want to feel like you are hurting alone... you want to feel like someone cares... Kaidi needed my sympathy in this moment.... because so many times I am quick to brush her hurt off as childishness and tell her it's not a big deal... this was a big deal and I am thankful for the blessing that I received in enduring that pain with her.... it was a glimpse into familiar waters, from the outside....
Her other favorite chick was Tiger. He had the most black stripes on his back.. he was rather "weak" too,  and I told Gregg if he died we were NOT telling her and I was going to take a sharpie to another one to make it look like Tiger... he did die the next day (February 16th) and we just told her yesterday when we had all the chicks in the yard and she counted and realized we only had 8.... actually we didn't tell her which one.. I was gonna tell her it was a different chick.. but she's too smart for that... she said, "you know what.. I bet it was Tiger that died too, because I remember he was very small, like tiny and he wasn't doing so well either" can't lie when she realized all that on her own!  So, this post became much longer than I intended and it's time to start cooking supper so I have to go for now.. Please be in prayer for my granddaddy. He had surgery last Monday to remove a hernia and ended up getting put in the SICU last week and found out this morning that they needed to do another surgery on him today. He came through the surgery ok, they found a few pieces of his intestines that had infection and they were able to remove them. They did decided to leave him on the ventilator for a little while so please be in prayer that his body recovers well and is able to rest and for my grandmother and her fears and worries. Thank you all for your prayers, your love and following along on my sporadic postings for my blog! :)

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