September 15, 2014

"Fat" Does not Define You

May be an odd title, but after having a conversation with Kaidi the other night, it seemed appropriate. We had a very laid back Friday night this past weekend, I've been filling in for one of the workers at Kid's World while she is on maternity leave,  and I got home around 5:45 and my mom had the kids already in their pj's and not long after I got home, she and my dad headed to eprise for some dinner and shopping. Gregg went on a hiking trip this past weekend, so the kids and I had it all to ourselves and after working the past 3 days, I didn't feel like cooking so I served  up a very nutritious meal for dinner, Honey Nut Cheerios! :) My kids are, just that, my kids and love to eat cereal so it was a win win for me! :) I sat the 3 of them up to the bar and I stood across from them while we all ate. (these are always the best conversations) Randomly Kaidi says, "Mom, when you eat too much food, you get fat and I don't want to be fat!"

Ok, I had a huge problem with this. I have not taught my daughter what "fat" is and she thinks "ugly" is a bad attitude not appearance. I am not exactly sure where this came from. I chose not to teach her these words until she is old enough to understand what she says to people or about them can hurt their feelings and that beauty is within the heart. I do not want my child judging people by what size they are, what color they are, any deformity they may have or because they aren't dressed a certain way. I want her to see people for their love, their kindness, their service, their heart. I also do not want her to look at her self and see anything less than the beautiful, amazing little girl she is.

As much truth as there was in her statement Friday night, some people can be "fat" for a lot of other reasons, As a child, she doesn't understand the reason for someones size, whether they are pregnant, or have medical issues or are on a certain medication that has caused them to gain weight, but I want her to see that words hurt people and that when it comes to calling someone "fat" or "ugly" or anything negative, it's better left unsaid.  I told her that in the Bible God says, "Do not let any unwholesome "ugly" talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful in building others up according to THEIR needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)  This verse is SO important. It's not only saying not to talk ugly to people but also do not talk ugly about people when they can't hear you ("that it may benefit those who listen"). She's not at the age yet to where she is talking about people, but the drama starts early so I hope that I can get ahead of it and teach her to be the one who walks away or changes the subject or finds something positive to disregard the negative.

I am not saying that this isn't something I struggle with. It's very easy to look at someone and find everything the world tells us is wrong with this person, but if we look at them with eyes like Christ, we see His masterpiece. Even looking in the mirror, His workmanship is flawless. I try to be more conscious of how I see myself and what my daughter sees. She always comes in to the bathroom when I am putting on makeup and of course she asks if she can have some, too. I usually tell her she doesn't need makeup because she is pretty without it and she comes right back to tell me that I am pretty without makeup, too, so why do I put it on. (scoring brownie points already!)  I wish I could see the "pretty" mommy she sees. When I look at the mirror, I see countless flaws and imperfections. It's easy to see the things that we don't like about ourselves or the things we want to change. Self-love can be so hard!  I've struggled with my weight for years. Up, down, up again.. It's so difficult to see beautiful, when I'm looking down at the number on the scale. It's so easy to tie that number to my self-worth. This is a cycle I am ready to break! Starting right now!

I want my children to learn how to eat healthy and exercise and incorporate those habits into their daily routine, but it has to start with me, not because I think I am "fat" but because it is important to take care of the bodies that God gave us. Also, how I feel about myself and whether or not I think I am "fat" or "unworthy" leaves an impression on my children and will also affect how they value themselves and others.  I am learning to love myself, just the way I am and not letting the number on the scale define who I am or my happiness. I am also not going to allow media to be a guideline for what is Beautiful or Perfect. I am going to open my Bible and read Psalms 139:4 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Thank you God for making me the beautiful, amazing woman I am. You love me, in spite of my insulting insecurities, my fears, my thoughts. Even though you know all these things, you will always love me. Your hand will always be on me and I am so thankful that my worth is not based on what the "world" thinks of me. Give me a heart for seeing others as you see them and help me to train my children to have the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Help me be a good example for not only my children but the people that you put in my path. Thank you for your grace, your love. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

With this post, I wanted to add some pictures that I feel beautiful in. I know there was a post on FB circulating recently in which you had to add photos you felt beautiful in and then tag friends that needed to do the same..I'm not into the "tag you're it" games on FB but as I am writing this post, I think of that and feel inspired to find my beautiful photos. 

Our wedding day! What a happy day and how beautiful I felt marrying the man I loved.

Motherhood is beautiful.

My favorite place, holding 2 of my babies. I feel Beautiful!

My last baby. Feeling Beautiful and blessed to have 5 babies.

The joy they bring to my life make me beautiful!

Love is Beautiful and written all over my face. He is the love of my life.

The Beauty of bringing a child into the world. 

I felt BEAUTIFUL on our lovely vacation to the Bahamas. (and refreshed)

I love this little girl and love that she thinks I am beautiful. I feel beautiful here because she makes me a better person. I strive to always be beautiful to her and someone worthy for her to admire. 

This was just a regular day at home. Being a stay at home mom can make things challenging sometimes to feel beautiful and "fix up" , but the smile my "job" puts on my face is beautiful and I am so thankful for the ability to be with my children.

Took this "selfie" and debated for hours as to whether or not I would post it to fb as my profile picture. I felt beautiful in the picture and I guess there's no shame in feeling beautiful.  


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