My dearest, sweetest, cutest little Kaidi Cowgirl,
You are FOUR! WOW! Where did the time go? SO much has happened in the past four years, I never wanted to realize that you growing up was one of them! I love you! God only KNOWS how much love I have for you! You can put the biggest smile on my face with just a simple "hey mama". The other night we were coming home from seeing The Nutcracker, it was just the 2 of us, we had a great little mommy/daughter date. I was being silly with you, parroting every thing you said, you would laugh and giggle and thought it was just the funniest thing and then you said, "Mama, you're the best mom ever! I love you all the world!" My heart melted at the sincerity and I wanted to start crying right there in the truck. If you only knew how special you are to me. How your tiny, newborn body in my arms had such mending power for my heart 4 years ago. How many times I held you in my arms tightly, sobbing, embracing being a mother again. As you got older and you started to smile and coo, I couldn't stop smiling, the joy overflowed in my heart and it felt so good to have something Good in my not-going-so-good, grieving life. Your beautiful smile is such a jewel, your eyes light up like diamonds and your smile is so contagious. I love how "deep" your thought process is. How wise you are for such a young little girl. You truly amaze me everyday in the things you say, know and understand. This past summer we told you about what happened to the twins and how you were not to go near any pools or lakes or ponds without mommy and daddy. I remember you asking me questions about it and Heaven and why and you seemed to completely understand and grasp it all, you would even cry and say you missed them and you wished you could know them and see them. You have such a huge heart! It's mostly hidden under your stinginess and stubbornness towards your brothers, but I know you would do anything in the world for them. I pray for you so often, Kaidi. Pray that you grow up to be such a strong Christian and understand how important a relationship with God is. You have so much of your Daddy's strong will and I love it! It's hard to parent, but it is a quality I am proud you have for when you are older and faced with situations in which you have to stand firm in what's right. I pray for those future moments! I know that you have all the ability in the world to do AMAZING things. You have a love for people and LOVE the attention that they give. You don't meet a stranger and I haven't figured out yet if that is a good thing or not! You have so many dreams! So many! I hope you always have those dreams and pray you reach them if it is God's will! I will always be here, your biggest fan!Following you along the way, giving you advice when you want it, tough love when you need it, and my arms are always open for your great squeezies. I want you to always know that you are saving joy! You helped bring me out of such a dark time and you showed me how to live again. I praise God for the beautiful gift he gave me 4 years ago! You are SO special, so VERY, VERY Special! I love you ALL THE WORLD too, my baby girl!