July 29, 2011
I am laying here in bed. It's a little after midnight and I am finding it so hard to believe that it has been 2 years since I last held my babies. Since I last held their hands and brushed their hair out of their faces. Since I last kissed them goodnight and had them tell me they loved me. I have this hurting inside that is impossible to describe. I try, I am trying to keep my mind preoccupied with everything else that I don't think about what today is, that I don't think about the fact that Brayden and Kenadi climbed in to a pool and drowned 2 years ago today. I was looking at some pictures the other day of the twins and it hit me. Seeing my nieces and how much they have grown up and when I look at pictures of B&K, they are still just babies. They will always be babies. I asked Gregg the other night if he thought the same way I do when people say,"Don't you wish they could just stay little forever" when talking about new babies and how precious they are at that stage.. I always want to answer, "no, I want them to grow up and live long, healthy, happy, successful lives. I want them to go to kindergarten and ride a bike and have a first date and go to prom and graduate high school and go to college and get married and have kids and grow old.. very old!" but I know that when people say that they mean nothing by it at all and it's just a "figure of speech" i guess. Anyway. This isn't going to be much because I am tired and will have to get up in probably an hour or so to nurse Asher. Just had a little bit of emotion that I needed to get out. If you are reading this and are able to go and donate blood today. Please do so in memory of Brayden and Kenadi. There are 3 different drives that are going on tomorrow. One is in Opp at LBWCC in the conference center from 11-6. One is in Andalusia from 9-3 at Superior Bank and there is also one going on at my brother's church (Piney Grove Baptist) in Ardmore, Alabama (just outside of Hunstville) it is from 12:30-6. You can also go to any Red Cross Donation site and tell them that you want to donate to the Ramer Twins Memorial Blood Drive and they should be able to count it towards our drive. Thanks to everyone who is helping with the drive and volunteering. Also want to thank all of you who bought blood drive t-shirts.