May 15, 2011

May 15



It's been days, weeks even since I have cried so much. I heard the above song on the way to pick up Kaidi Friday afternoon and it's completely beautiful. I found it on youtube tonight and it moves me even the 4th and 5th time that I listen to it. I was catching up on some other bloggers recent posts and on Kelly's Korner blog, she uploaded a video of Harper singing and at the end of the video she is singing Jesus Loves Me and it hurt so bad to hear it. How awful is that? My Kaidi has never heard her mother sing that song to her. It's too painful because it was the song I sang as my son died in my arms. I have watched the video of Brayden singing it over and over tonight. I miss him  and Kenadi so much. It is so hard for me to grasp that I have passed as many birthdays without them as we celebrated with them. How can that be? How can it go by so quickly? Their life here on Earth seemed so long ago. So much has changed. I try to imagine the life we would have if they were still here. The wonderful nights with 3 kids loving on each other and all the bedtime stories and goodnight hugs and kisses. The exhausting comfort as my head hits the pillow that I managed to get the 3 of them fed, bathed and in bed. It's so hard for me not to scream WHY? And resent. Resent the people who take their kids for granted. Resent the people who neglect their children for their own selfishness. I would give anything to spend one more day with Brayden and Kenadi. To hold them and hug them and tell them how much I love them and put all other distractions and unimportant things aside and give them my full undivided attention. Give them the best I possibly could for 24 hours. I'm leaving it at that tonight.

8 comments:

Karol said...

NO words except to say "I hear you" Praying!!

Mary Ann said...

Hugs to you Dear!

Mom of 4 boys!! said...

*hugs*

Sue said...

I can't even imagine. HUGS to you and your sweet family.

Kayla said...

Thinking of you...

Jodi said...

My heart goes out to you Meredith...and I can only imagine that because of your suffering here on earth that your eternity in Heaven with your children will be especially blessed. Praying it comes soon and that your poor heart feels comfort and peace in the meantime.

Jodi

Toyia Colquett said...

BEAUTIFUL Song Mere! I don't have any answers, but I do know that Asher is going to join such a loving family. He and Kaidi are blessed babies. They have parents that understand the importance of life. They have parents that know the importance of time spent together, how important bed time hugs and kisses are, how important these messes around the house are, the dirty clothes and dishes. You and Gregg have shown guidance in a way that I know you never expected. God has used y'all in such a powerful and mighty way. The loss of B & K has helped many parents regain parenthood and realize the importance of it. I love you dearly. Thank you for being my friend.

The Morris Family said...

I was wondering if you have heard of the book, Heaven is Real?? I have not read it yet, but want to. Its a book about a 4 yer old boy who has an appendix burst and nearly dies and his testimony is telling his parents or mom, about seeing his little sister that died in teh womb and I guess they did not tell him about her yet he saw his little sister in heaven and from the exert I read he sees his grandfather there too, who died like 30 years ago. I dont know if i have ll the info right here, I was just reading very quickly on Amazon. But I thought it would be interesting to read it, as our little 3 yo Joel went to be with the Lord after a short cancer battle 1/23/07

anyway just thought I would mention it.



Cindy