February 22, 2011

18 Weeks

Today is Tuesday. I am 18 weeks today! :) Last night, I was feeling him move ALL over the place. It is so sweet to feel a baby move. I had an ultrasound and doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon and everything is going great! The OB even asked me if I had felt him move much and I hadn't much as of yesterday afternoon, but apparently he heard me and wanted to make sure he was felt last night! :) I was actually very sore last night after the ultrasound. The tech kept jabbing away at my belly, trying to get him to open up his legs and I was kinda thinking that she didn't need to keep doing that too many more times. I've had 2 c-sections and there is some scar tissue there that is pretty sensitive! Kaidi went with us to the hospital and doctor's office and was so sweet. Gregg was holding her during the u/s and the tech played the heartbeat outloud and Gregg was mimicing the sound, so Kaidi started doing the "swoosh" sounds too. It was cute. She has started giving these "mean" eyes to people and it is really funny. She crosses her eyebrows down and just stares at you. Maybe I will be able to get a picture of it soon. They are almost like "pouty" eyes. She went to bed pretty early last night. She still seemed pretty chugged up last night, but this morning she seemed pretty clear. I hope she stays that way! After we watched a few of our shows last night, I got up to iron 2 days of clothes for Gregg and while I was ironing, random thoughts were running through my mind. I thought of a person who lost their son a few years ago in an accident and thinking that either the boy's birthday or anniversary was around this time of year. I thought about how she must be feeling and then it dawned on me, I've lost 2 kids of my own, I know how she must feel. It's weird how that sometimes just hits me. I try to carry on with a normal life, raising my daughter and loving my husband and BAM- like a freight train I am hit with the reality of the loss of Brayden and Kenadi. It's been 18 months since I said goodbye to them. I think of them every single day and what life would be like and I try to keep positive thoughts running through my mind, but somedays it just pierces to the very depth of my heart. Here is a picture that my sis-in-law sent me this week in an email. I have been asking for them to get these pictures to me for a while and she finally found one of them to send me. This is the 4 little ones in the spring of 2009. I've always loved this picture and thought it was so cute how the girls were sitting there and Brayden was trying to get away from them!
Brayden, Brennon, Addison and Kenadi
 I look at this picture and smile, and then it brings tears because I see how little they all were and now when I see Brennon and Addison, they are so big and growny and I can't even imagine what my 2 would be like right now. How their personalities would be by now or how much their looks may have changed. Kaidi is such a joy. She is just a complete mixture of them both but also has some of her own! :) I love it. She is changing everyday. Since we took her bottle away a few weeks ago, she has been such a good baby. She eats so much better and is sleeping so well and has even started playing on her own in her room for longer periods of time. It may not ALL be because of the bottle, but it has just seemed to have all changed since then.


Kayla said...

18 weeks already - can't believe you're almost 1/2 way there!

There's nothing I can say regarding the loss you feel for the twins other than I'm sorry. It's hard when the "I wonders" slip into our thoughts and break our hearts all over again.

Just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts.

TABOE said...

I love this picture!! And I meant to e-mail you today, but I want a header like you and Toyia for my blog. I would love to be able to do it myself so I probably need a mini session in the "how to" of it!! I'm googlin' it now but I do better if people show me and not tell me. Please help!! BTW...I love love love that picture and the name you picked out.

Toyia Colquett said...

Love you Mere!

Heather said...

""HUGS"" from Canada

Jodi said...

awe...I LOVE that picture :)