December 5, 2010
I sit here in tears. I miss them so much. In Sunday school this morning, Mr. Miller asked the class, "If we could ask God for one thing, what would it be?" typical answer: Money! The answer I wanted to say (but knew it would make the class uncomfortable) was: my kids. I wanna hold them again. I wanna squeeze them and kiss them and tell them I love them. I wanna snuggle and read them books and take all their fears away. I wanna show them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and write their names. There is so much SO MUCH that i am missing out on with them. I know they are in a "better place" as people will tell you, thinking it will honestly make you feel better, but just for future reference, it doesn't! Because selfishly, I want them here with me sometimes! I know they are in better hands now and I know that I will see them again someday, but some times I just wanna feel down right down! Tonight, is one of those nights. Tonight, I want them in this very room that is filled with boxes and a computer. Tonight I want their mess all over the house and their handprints all over my fridge. Oh God, my prayer is to please give me a good dream of them tonight. To just give me one taste of Heaven in my sleep. To wake up with a smile because I saw them happy and smiling. Oh how I miss them.