September 12, 2010

New Day!

I start a new job tomorrow. Thank God for a new job! I had a very busy 2 weeks at home and am ready to get back to a job and a routine. I loved spending the time with Kaidi though and wish I could do both! :) She is such a good baby. I am so thankful for the happiness she has. Gregg and I talk all the time about how we have always had happy babies! Brayden and Kenadi were so full of life and love. Kaidi is just like them. We find it hard to believe considering we aren't the same happy, bubbly parents we were with Brayden and Kenadi. We give Kaidi lot's of love and hugs and kisses. There is no doubt at all that that child is loved! :) I miss Brayden and Kenadi so much. I can't look at pictures from this time last year and find them in them. It breaks my heart that I am working on 2 years without them, when I only had 2 years with them. Those 2 years flew by and the past year has seemed like an eternity! Forever since I held them, forever since I kissed them, forever since I comforted them that in a sense comforted me. I want to scream WHY! Why do I have to visit my kids at a cemetery, why do I have all of their things packed away in a closet, why do I feel like I am missing out on so much without them, why do I have to push back the tears and the anger and the gut wrenching pain I have at times when I see happy little 3 year olds running around. Why is life so unfair. 2 years ago I was taking Brayden and Kenadi for their first hair cut. I feel as though snippets of hair and foot print impressions are all I have left. That and 20,000 photos. Yes, we really have 20,000 photos of them. Thank God for photographs. Sometimes I feel as though photos are what resurfaces memories so I am very grateful for them. Here are some photos from their first hair cut. I remember this day well. Kenadi did so well. She sat there, so still and let Kathy cut away. Brayden had to have a little bit of comfort! His daddy had to hold him while he got his hair cut, but he still did very well. I miss them so much. I feel like I will be sharing a lot of photos in the near future. Gives me something very special to look at. I hope you enjoy.

2 years ago Kenadi had a surgery to remove a hemangioma.
 Kenadi had a hemangioma that showed up at her 2 week check-up and grew and grew. Gregg and I decided to get it removed when she was 15 months old. It wasn't bothering her, but we didn't want her to get teased about it or anything when she got a little older. Here are some before and after pictures from her surgery.
She was pitiful right out of surgery, but as soon as we got her out of the bed, AND gave her a few m&m's she was good to go. She was such a trooper. This was her 3rd surgery in her 15 months of life and she came through it and recovered so easily!
This was taken soon after we got home the day after her surgery. I always liked this picture because of her long eye lashes. All 3 of my kids have long eyelashes! They get it from Gregg. I always wished I had long eye lashes. Brayden was so happy to see Kenadi that day. They played so hard after we got home. We went outside and spent most of the afternoon outside. I was glad to get home and see my Brayden man! He was a momma's boy and I typically missed him just as much as he missed Kenadi! Go Figure! :)  

I miss my little man so much!
I took her bandage off that same night that we got home and I freaked out! I had already glanced at PART of her "wound" and I only thought it was an inch or two long, well when I pulled the bandage off, I nearly cried. It was so long and I was so worried about the huge scar she was going to have on her neck! It healed beautifully though and fit perfectly in to the crease of her neck. Here is a pic that was taken 2 months after her surgery.
 This post is more of a recap from the past. I am sure I have posted some of these photos before, but I love looking at my babies and remembering the life I use to have. I hope you all have a wonderful week!


Sarah said...

Meredith -

I don't comment that often but I want you to know you are never far from my thoughts. I have never met you and we live on different sides of the country, but as a Mom, my heart aches for you. While I can not even begin to fathom the loss you have experienced, I want you to know that I admire you so much as a woman, a mother, a wife and a follower of Christ. Your faith is so incredibly strong and that blows me away. I don't know if I was in your shoes, if I could say the same about my faith.

I continue to pray for you and Gregg daily. Know that B & K are so blessed to have you as their mother and Kaidi is too. What an incredible gift she is and I have so say an adorable little girl...such a perfect combonation of the twins!!

I am babbling now, but I just felt compelled to drop you a quick note to let you know that I am thinking of you. In good days and in bad, us blogger/stranger friends are here for you. You are an amazing person who has touched more lives then you will ever know. I wish you nothing but happiness and blessings in your future. I thank you for changing my outlook on things and I now hug my children tighter because of you.

Lots of Love, Blessings and Prayers from Montana - Sarah

Jenifer's Journey said...

I think of you and Gregg daily and prey for yall ... I am so glad to see pictures of B&K its just hard to know thats all you have left but I am glad when you tell us storys about them