July 15, 2010

Happy Anniversary Mr. Ramer!

Today is our 4th wedding anniversary. It is so hard to believe it was 4 years ago! It seems like a lot longer. We have been through a lot in the last 4 years. More than I would have ever imagined when I said "yes" standing on a beach in Greece in September of 2005. So much of our life has gone by without us even realizing it. There have been so many good memories the last 4 years and just a few bad ones. The past year has been very tough on us. We have had to go through something that is so hard. Pain that is so real and raw that I cannot even begin to describe it. It shakes your inner being. My heart aches so many days. I look at Gregg and I hurt for him and I hate how his dreams, like mine, were shattered in a matter of seconds. Our life has changed so much in the past year. This very day last year we had 2 kids, lived in a blue block house, i drove a sentra, gregg drove a chevy truck and we had a baby on the way. Now we have one child, different house, both have different vehicles, Gregg now works in a different branch. It is just so crazy how much our life has changed in one year from the outside looking in.  You could not even fathom how much our lives have changed on the inside looking out. We have a whole new perspective on life. We cherish every moment with Kaidi and we have leaned on each other through the toughest valley of life we will ever walk together. I was looking at our wedding pictures the other night on the computer and Gregg was sitting behind me. I was amazed at how much we and our family members had changed. Every one looked so much younger 4 years ago. Just 4 years ago. I noticed Gregg was getting upset and I asked him what was on his mind and he said, "we were so happy then, do you think we will ever be that happy again?" I knew the answer to that question, no. We could be happy again, but never that happy. Never as happy as the day we got married, never as happy as the day I gave birth to the twins, never as happy as the day we were our small family of 4, crowded in a little house chasing 2 year old twins through the kitchen and smiling and giggling and singing and playing together. We were so happy this time last year. We had so much life in our house. So much joy. So much youth. Now, it's gone. it's quiet, it's still, it's stale. Sure we have Kaidi and she makes noise, but it's a lot quieter than 2 two year olds running around. She brings a happiness to us, but it's different. Gosh, I wasn't trying to make this post depressing. I guess it is just where I am in my life right now. It's tough. The anniversary of their deaths are right around the corner and I am about to run out of "this time last years" with them.
I am so thankful for my husband. He brings comfort and love to my heart. I am so thankful for the wonderful relationship we have. We are honest and open, even when it hurts each other's feelings. We are real. We understand each other like no one else could. We have something special. We are best friends and I am so grateful for that. I love the children we have together. I hate the pain we share, but glad that we have each other to share it with.  Had I known what our first 4 years of marriage would have been like when he proposed to me 5 years ago, I still would have said yes. In spite of the hurt and pain we have gone through and are going through still. I would have wanted no other man but him to walk through it with. I love you Mr. Ramer! :) I always have and always will.


Courtney said...

What a great post. (You got married a week before I did). I admire how strong your marriage is. You two seem perfect together. I still pray for you guys often.
You both have many good memories to come :) Happy Anniversary!

Mary Ann said...

Happy anniversary!!! Oh to be so young and so beautiful... your pictures are so pretty. How did you happen to get married in Greece?

Jodi said...

Happy Anniversary!

Meredith- you were such a BEAUTIFUL bride!!!

Toyia Colquett said...

I love you Mere! I'm glad y'all had a Happy Anniversary :)