July 28, 2010

Flip-Flop

I have made an attempt at 2 blog posts the past week and as I looked back over them, they seemed so depressing and I just really didn't want to post them. I have not been in the mood to really talk or deal with anyone lately. I feel like I am in a stage of "drawing up in my shell" I would rather just get up in the mornings, go on with my day, come home, cook supper, spend some time with Gregg and Kaidi and go to bed. Wake up, do it all over again. I know it's just a phase right now, but I hope my friends and family understand. I have 2 wonderful friends. I got home yesterday and found a gift certificate in the mail to get a manicure and a pedicure done. I was so excited and cannot thank my friends enough. They have been two of the best friends I could ask for, particularly over the past year. I went and had may manicure and pedicure done on my lunch break today and I absolutely LOVE the massage chairs. I could have sat in it all day long. I got a VERY bright hot pink on my fingers and toes. I wanted something fun and happy. I know the next couple of days are going to be hard and I wanted to be completely distracted by my bright fingernails! :) It is so hard for me to believe that tomorrow is an exact year from the day of the accident. The last day I was happy, truly happy. I often wonder if I will ever find that happiness again. I have happy times, but never true happiness. It seems like an eternity ago since I was with Brayden and Kenadi, together, in their liveliness. I miss them so much. My heart is so broken and the pain hurts so bad. Kaidi is a true joy. True blessing. I love her so much, too much, I think sometimes. I just don't know how my life would be if she wasn't given to us in December. She makes my heart smile and our home laugh. She has been doing so well at her ISR lessons. She is so calm and smart. I love watching her work to do what she was taught. I am proud of her for doing so well. She has a wonderful instructor. I will attach a few more pictures below from her lessons and hopefully soon I will post the video on here. Just a reminder to everyone that the blood drive in memory of Brayden and Kenadi is FRIDAY. It is now in Andalusia at Superior Bank from 9-2 and in Opp at Superior Bank from 1-6. I am very excited about this and hope that everyone who can and is able will show up and give a chance at life for someone else. You never know, it could be you or someone you love in need of blood. I am anxious to see how many units of blood we receive in my children's honor. If you do not live here or are unable to come on Friday, you can go to HERE and find a donation site near you and when you donate, you can tell them that it is for the Ramer Twins Memorial Drive and they can notate that in the system. 
Gregg and I are taking off the next two days. We will have Kaidi's ISR lessons in the mornings at 8 and then we will have the entire day to the three of us. I am looking forward to spending the extra time with the two people on this Earth who matter most to me. We were wanting to get away and spend some time together, but things just didn't pan out as planned so we will probably just make a day trip to the beach Saturday. The beach isn't Gregg's favorite place, but it's close and there are a lot of things to do down there. It's also kinda last minute because we were so undecided about what we wanted to do. I hope you all have a wonderful week and weekend. Oh, and the title, it was random. 
Look at her "ok" with her right hand in the picture below




15 comments:

Sarah said...

I have been thinking of your family all week. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.

- Sarah

Jodi said...

I'm thinking about you ang Greg and your mom....I know this a painful time for your whole family.
Sending prayers for strength your way.

Jodi

Jenifer's Journey said...

I thinking of you and Gregg and your mom...You guys are in my thoughts and preys.
Jenifer

Nancy, Jeremy, and Jack said...

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers

Dawn said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

Dawn

Heather from Ontario Canada said...

(((hugs))) Meredith. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Kaidi is doing incredible I love the "ok" signal.She quite the little floater :)
Heather

Karol said...

I know that this day will bring pain and sorrow and memories. I also know that you and Gregg and the rest of your family will make it through because that is just what we do. We go on. There really are no words, just know that I will be lifting you up to our heavenly father. He loves you even more than we love our children.

Kimberley said...

Been thinking of you and sending prayers your way all day. I can't imagine your pain, but know how hard the days leading up to an anniversary of a death can be. May you find peace in your memories tomorrow, Friday, and every day.

Hugs from Virginia

Mary Ann and Rosalie said...

Hugs from Ohio. May God hold you during this time.

Courtney said...

Thinking and praying for you Meredith.

Ellen said...

Continuing to pray for you, Greg and all of your family...especially this week. I am praying for a real sense of God's Peace to cover and protect you during these very difficult days!
I have been following your blog from the beginning of this tragedy and have prayed for you and Greg constantly as I have followed your year.
God Bless you all today and always.
Ellen GA

Ellen said...

Continuing to pray for you, Greg and all of your family...especially this week. I am praying for a real sense of God's Peace to cover and protect you during these very difficult days!
I have been following your blog from the beginning of this tragedy and have prayed for you and Greg constantly as I have followed your year.
God Bless you all today and always.
Ellen GA

Lori Harper said...

My heart just aches for you. I think of you so often and wish we lived close so we could just sit and visit for hours. I will be praying extra hard for you! Much love!

chapinamom said...

Hi, Meredith! I donated blood a couple of weeks ago here in Ohio and tried to have it designated for the Ramer twins blood drive, but they didn't seem to know how to do that. But please know that you can add one more donation to your numbers, in loving memory of Brayden & Kenadi and with love for the Ramers!
Mary

Emily said...

Praying for you.