May 4, 2010

What to Do?

I am writing this post today, seeking advice.
If you have lost a child, how did you celebrate the first birthday after their death? Brayden and Kenadi's birthday just so happens to fall on Mother's Day this year. How convenient huh? Gregg and I talked about it some last night. We don't know if we should get out of town or carry on with our normal routine. We discussed going to the beach for the day and just enjoying some special time with Kaidi, do some shopping and go out to eat. I was just wondering what any of you did or if any of you have any suggestions?
Thanks.

16 comments:

Jen said...

we delivered some toys to the childrens hospital and had a balloon release by her grave..We also cooked out with a few close friends and family on Ella's 1st B-day in August..we were busy all day, which I thought would help, but I sort of wished I would have allowed myself time to be sad without worrying about everyone around me..I think just do whatever your gut tells you to do..even if its nothing major.. xo

Lindsay said...

My daughters best friend died at the age of 6. His family did all his favorite activities on his 7th birthday...chuck e cheese, watched a movie he loved, talked about him and how much they all loved and missed him, and I think on his 8th birthday, they went to Six Flags...his other favorite thing to do.
I hope this helps, and I will be thinking and praying for the 3 of you Sunday. I hope you have a blessed Mother's Day through it all!

Miss Em said...

I can't say that I did much. My husband and I stayed home and baked a cake. It was really all we could handle emotionally. We had a big party at our house the day before...pretty much to occupy my thoughts. It was just a party not a birthday party, I am almost sure most people who came did not know Matthew's birthday was the very next day. Birthdays are the hardest day every year for me. It is different for everyone. I say do what your heart wants. If you want to celebrate them publically then do or if you prefer to celebrate them privately do that. Either way your thoughts will not wander far from your precious babies. My heart and prayers go out to you. HUGS!!!!!!

Misty said...

Wesley and I just had a day to ourselves. We wanted to get memorial tattoos that day, but her 1st birthday was on a Monday. Tatto parlors are closed on Mondays. We eventually got our tattoos a few weeks later. We did go to the cemetary and spent some time there. Hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!

mwarner0712 said...

We bake cupcakes for our other 2 kids to take to daycare with them for their brothers birthday just like we do when it is their birthdays. We have dinner together as a family and then have cupcakes for dessert. Doesn't make it hurt any less but its our way of honoring and remembering our son.

Angie said...

We had planned a special dinner for Emma's birthday and I had a cake made for her. We enjoyed celebrating her but you have to know what is right for you and what you can handle. I am so sorry that their birthday is on Mother's day, that is just unfair. I will be praying for all of you.

Kelley's Kids said...

What do you feel like doing? What do you think will make it as easy as possible for y'all that day? It's all about the two of you getting through that day. After we lost our son, on his first birthday we went to his "spot" and released balloons with notes to him, then we had cake. Another year I felt the need to actually buy him a gift and then gave it to a needy child that was the same age Grayson would have been.

I am so sorry you two are going through this, and I'm extra sorry it's on Mother's Day. My thoughts and prayers are with you - Kelley

I'll be thinking of all 5 of you that day.

Oh, and I agree with Jen, and I'm glad it was only my husband and I that day, I didn't want other people around.

YaYaMama said...

My 22 month old nephew, Wes, and his maternal grandfater were killed in a car accident in Dec. Wes's b'day was Feb. 9. My sister-in-law and her mom spent the day shopping out of town. My brother, sister-in-law, and my parents went to the cemetary a few days before and left a few things. My brother had a business trip so he wasn't in town on the actual day. My boys and I bought cupcakes, sang for Wes, and had them with our lunch for his b'day. I will be saying a prayer for you and hope your new little bundle joy brings you smiles on Mother's day!

Karol said...

Laynee's birthday turned out to be a beautiful day. A few days before, I posted a blog asking people to share how Laynee touched their life. I received countless comments, some on the blog, but must in email form. We had emails ranging from small children to very old, those who knew her well and some who had never met her. I was astounded and humbled by the mark my little girl had left on this earth. We, along with a few others who loved her most, went to the cemetary and released balloons. We also had a beautiful princess birthday cake. The emails were so healing, they made us laugh as people remembered her silly little girl antics, some made us cry. WE have made these into a book, a precious keepsake of a little girl who's life is to be celebrated.

biblelighthouse said...

We planted a tree on the first anniversary of our son's birth(death). Every year since then we have taken a picture of it on his birthday to kind of mark his (its) growth. Now that we have six more children, we include them in the picture. It's our way of including "him" in our pictures of our kids. I know the pain losing a child and facing "mother's day". Our son died April 18th, 2002. I will be praying for you and Greg as you face this time. My best advice is to remember them by doing something they loved to do, and celebrate their life (birthdays) in some way special to you.

Cassandra said...

Hi Meredith. Doesn't Just stink that we have to even think of these things!!! Our little girl never had a birthday so on her first birthday We had a party( the next day) at home with our friends (it was a per Chrsitmas party. ) We had a pink cake and lit a candle. we had bubbles and ballons for the kids . We had fun! We didn't say it was for Eliazbeth but our friends knew. I didn't want to be alone, i needed to be around my friends and family. My Husband and I also decided that we would do the things we really enjoyed so on her birthday I kept my son home from school. We went out for breakfast , played games that he wanted to. and we went to the beach and wrote her name in the sand and threw rose petals in the ocean.( I love the beach, I feel closer to God there somehow.)
My Husband met ous for lunch and we also ate out tht night too. We did celebration type things but alos alot of crying. Now every year we do the beach thing (friends join us) we write her name bIG! and throw rose petals and play on the beach and then we go out for coffee and cake or lunch etc.
My Advice is Do what you want to do. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks apart from you and gregg. And if you want to do somehting and he doesn't of vicw versa be kind to one and other and make space for it.

Ramona said...

The first year, the Lord provided for us--some of our best friends visited us on their way home for Christmas. (Elizabeth's bday is Dec 19.) These dear friends walked to the gates of hell and back with us during the hard years in Texas. God works in mysterious ways--their son was born the day of Elizabeth's funeral. Since he was a few months old when they visited, he occupied our time so well. In the years since, we usually spend the day alone-if it's a work day, I take off. Not really a day I like to spend with the rest of the world. Mother's Day is tough-always will be for me. Church on that day is too hard for me even now. Do what feels right for you. And what may feel right this year may be totally different next year. You are in my prayers.

Doug & Anna said...

Meredith, you may already know what we did, but just in case I wanted to share our experience.

On Logan's birthday we made the decision to celebrate his life. We had both sides of the family over for a cookout and we played the video that Doug made of Logan. We released 17 balloons for the 17 days that he lived and Doug and I both wrote letters to him and tied them to the balloons. We also offered to let our families attach letters. Leading up to his birthday Doug and I had a new flower arrangement made specifically for his birthday and we picked out a stuffed animal as a "gift". After we ate we all went to the cemetary to deliver the "gifts". When we got home we had cake and ice cream.

For me it was important to celebrate in the same way we would have if he was celebrating with us, so I wanted to do the same things. I think the most important thing to do is what feels right to you and Gregg.

Mother's Day was extremely difficult for me, even more so than Logan's birthday so I cannot imagine having to face the two events in one day. Know that we are and will continue to pray for both of you.

Stacy said...

On the first birthday after Bethanie's passing, we took balloons out to her grave. We released some and tied more to a stand I had at the grave. I do that every birthday and Bethanie has been gone ten years =-(

The Morris Family said...

Our 3 yr. old twin Joel's death day is on our daughter Hosanna's BD. She turned 5 the day he died, so we for sure have a party to celebrate her day and I always incorporate Joel into her party in the theme. We always send up balloons too. Of course for Joel's birth day we celebrate with a party of course because his twin is with us and we send up balloons on this day too. SO hard......DO what you feel up to, it will be beautiful however you celebrate and remember.

Ashley Parker said...

when my nephew passed away at three due to a drowning accident as well. we had cake and went to the cemetary on his 4th birhtday. I took ballons as well. On my own, I wanted to spend a moment of time with Cameron.