May 18, 2010

Kaidi, Kaidi, My little Baby!

I took Kaidi BACK to the doctor again yesterday morning. She has not had much change at all and it will be 3 weeks tomorrow since I first took her to the doctor. We are going to Birmingham to Children's Hospital on Friday. She is being sent to a Pulmonologist to see if we can figure out what is going on with her. I am extremely nervous about this appointment. Children's is where we spent those 12 horrible hours with Brayden. Those 12 horrible hours that we were grieving the fresh loss of our daughter and also praying for our son who was slipping away from us every minute. The last 2 weeks have been... different. It seems as though Gregg has started the grieving process all over again. I am sure that their birthday has brought back the reminder of their death as well as the memory of their birth and that is quite overwhelming. He has been having dreams about them. I had one this morning. First one I have had in a long time. Brayden and Kenadi were a little over a year old and Brayden had crawled up in my lap and his face was covered in oatmeal or applesauce and Kenadi walked over to me and I was hugging on Brayden and crying and I looked down at her and she glanced up at me with those BIG BROWN eyes and I could see the compassion in her eyes. She leaned her lips to my hand and it felt SO real, I miss those sweet little kisses. I woke up crying and Gregg wrapped his arms around me and we just cried. I long for Brayden and Kenadi's touch again. Kaidi has started laying her head on our shoulder now when we hold her and it is the sweetest feeling in the world. She has started laughing at everything now too, it's so cute. She laughs a lot like Kenadi did with a "khi khi" sound to it. She has a lot of her mannerisms. She will completely ignore you some times and has a little bit of temper to her, much like Kenadi did. She loves for us to sing to her. I sing "You are my Sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me haaaappy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you... God please don't take my sunshine away." this song is so true to me.. I guess that is why I find myself singing it so often to her.. Notice I added God in there at the end. It's also my plea to him to please let her stay with me a while!
Here are those BIG brown eyes that I miss so much.
And this sweet smile I miss
And I miss doing this every night with them:

Tonight, I am having a small "girl's night" at my house. I am looking forward to spending some time with friends and catching up on our busy lives. Hopefully we will get LOTS of pics so I can share with you all. Have a wonderful week. 

12 comments:

Jodi said...

those are sweet pictures of them.

thinking about you, and hoping Kaidi gets better soon.

Matt and Kristen said...

I don't know you, but I came across your blog after clicking from one to another. I just stopped to pray for you and your family. Your children are beautiful.

Kathryn said...

I will pray for you as you go back to Children's Hospital. My first time back to the hospital where Madison was born was gut-wrenching. I have to go back in a couple weeks for some surgery, and it never gets easier in my opinion. It's always hard to walk through those doors...

Laurie said...

Meredith, I'm sitting here crying reading this. All your babies are so beautiful and I so wish you could just hold all of them in your arms right now. I'm holding you close in prayer as you go back to the hospital and I'm praying you get answers and solutions for Kaidi, too!

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry Kaidi is still not feeling well -- I am praying for her and your family. Your sweet babies are all so beautiful...

Heather Adcock said...

Oh Meredith.. I just want you to know I love you guys! I know these past few weeks have had to be difficult, but know that you are being lifted up in prayer and will continue to be lifted up. Just like going back to Mizell was tough, I know going back to Childrens is going to be heart wrenching. Last night as I was praying for you guys, this scripture in Isaiah came to me..

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

You will not be making the trip alone.. Our father is right there with you. I love u guys and I'm praying for a good report on that sweet baby.. Love to you all, "miss" Heather

Dianne said...

Reaching out to you in love and compassion,
Dianne

Toyia Colquett said...

I very much enjoyed the girls night :) THANK you so much!!!

Shonna said...

Such a sweet post...thanks for sharing. I actually thought of your family tonight when I put my little C to bed and she said, "Mommy, I just want you to hold me." Thanks for the reminder to cherish EVERY moment with our children:)

Courtney said...

Precious pictures! You are always in my prayers.

Heather said...

Praying for you Meredith!!!

Ramona said...

Praying for y'all. Your feelings of despair and loss are so real to me. Pray about Friday and take support with you. Our minds and souls and hearts can only take so much and then we need to lean on those who can help. I know God always provides for me during similar times.