March 26, 2010

Happenings at the Ramer House!

I guess I need to update back to my Nashvile trip!! :) On Friday, Miss Kaidi and I went down and had breakfast and then came back to the room. I worked on painting a canvas for her room while she slept and then Gregg stopped in and visited us for a bout 10 mins on one of his breaks. After he went back to his meetings, we loaded up in the jeep and drove to Hobby Lobby. I have never been in one before so I was like a kid in a toy store when I got there. :) I bought some wooden letters, scrapbook paper to decoupage the letters with, 2 easter baskets, fabric and some acrylic finishing spray. I was in Hobby Lobby for a good hour and a half! :) On my way back to the hotel (10-12 min drive) I called Steak-Out and asked how long deliver would take, too long so I typed in to my Garmina for the closest Domino's. There was one 3 miles from the hotel so i went, placed an order, sat and waited on it to be done, got back to the hotel and walked in the side steps at the EXACT same time Gregg was coming down the hall heading up to the room for dinner. PERFECT timing because i was carrying 4 bags from Hobby Lobby, Kaidi in her carrier, a diaper bag, my purse and a domino's and cheesy bread! WHEW! We went up to the room, had supper. Gregg got a little bit of "Kaidi time" after supper and I got this pic of them.Friday night I started working on all my "projects" I sewed an A-Line Dress for Kaidi. Didn't do the greatest job on it so I decided to try a pillow case dress. Here is Miss Kaidi in her pillowcase dress. The look on her face is like OMG I cannot believe you put this huge flower on this dress.. Don't worry Kaidi, Mommy will take it off! :)
Saturday afternoon, my brother and his family came up to visit. They have a daughter, Addison, that just turned 3 in January. She was so excited to get to hold Kaidi. Can you see the excitement in her face? :)

When Gregg got out of his meeting for Saturday afternoon, we drove to the Opry Mills Mall and checked out a few of the stores before finding The Aquarium, which is a resturaunt where you eat basically surrounded by fish! The wait was pretty long so we decided to go to Tony Roma's instead. It was good. I got the sirloin and a corn fritter casserole which to me was basically a huge muffin! :) Kaidi did SO good at the resturaunt. She stayed in her carseat the ENTIRE time. I finally got her our after we all finished eating and she was so happy. I feel like she is teething or something because she was drooling all over the place and keeps her hands in her mouth all the time now.
After eating, we headed back to the hotel and Gregg and I packed our things and headed South. We left Nashville at 8 Saturday night, and got home around 2 Sunday morning. Sunday morning Kaidi and I went to big church while Gregg caught up on his sleep from the drive home Saturday night. After church we had a Sunday School Easter Egg get together where we grilled hamburgers and had a nice time of fellowship. We hid eggs for all the little ones. There are so many kids that are the same age. There weren't any kids there over the age of.. 4 I think. :) Brayden and Kenadi would have fit right in with this class. :) We got a picture of all the kiddos together. Miss Kaidi propped up on the couch for the pic.

Here are most of the kiddo's from the Sunday School Class.
Gregg left Tuesday morning for Montgomery and had to stay for 3 days for training for work. Kaidi and me went walking Tuesday night with Ashton and Caroline and then came home and enjoyed some American Idol. Wed. night I did a little bit of cleaning and played a lot with Kaidi. Gregg got in last night around 6 and we had Grilled Cheese and Chicken Noodle Soup for supper. :) We have a busy weekend planned. Opp is having their annual Rattlesnake Rodeo and Gregg has to take money at the gate tomorrow morning until 1. Kaidi and me may walk around and check out all the vendors and such for a little bit. After 1, we are heading to get some furniture for our new house. We move in a week from today and I am SO excited. I cannot wait to be spending every night over there. My nights have become tougher lately and I feel like it is because I know they are numbered at our house now. Last night I went and spent some time in the kids room. When it is night time, I can open the door to their room and see them laying in their beds like I would every night before. Then the wave of reality hits me and I miss everything. I miss them so much and I dream of what they would be like if they were still here. How they would be adjusting with Kaidi, how I would be adjusting to 3 under 3, how I would be decorating their room at the new house. What toys would they be playing with now, what songs would they be singing. It is so hard, the "What if's" I honestly think that is the hardest part to get over when you are greiving, mostly because you face it everyday. Before, I could have never imagined my life without B&K, and I still can't. They are there in my heart every morning, all through the day, every evening and through the night. Gregg came in there to comfort me last night and I told him that it still doesn't seem real. I flashback to the day it happened all the time. I relive the normal ride home from work until the ambulances passed in front of me. Then my entire life changed forever. I am not the same person anymore. I don't imagine I will ever be the old me again. That person died with B&K. I am a new me. One that, on some days, I don't like. I have some of the same old me in me, but I have changed a lot. I am still a positive person, but I have been punched with the raw fact that life sucks! And that it is out of our control. and that this world we live in is not perfect. I use to think my life was perfect. Had a good life. Sure, i had problems along the way but overall i could look at my life then and say that i truly loved my life. now, not so much. Everyday is a breath of grief. a glimpse of loss, a dream shattered. Sure I am still blessed beyond measures. I have a woderful husband who loves me when I don't love me, a beautiful baby girl who smiles all the time and fills part of my heart up with joy, Gregg and I both are employed, we have food to put on our table and we are building our dream house. But part of that dream house was for B&K. I know that I can fill it with stuff to remember B&K, but never will B&K be there in the flesh and that hurts because so much of this was thought out for them. so much of this was planned for them. ok, i have rambled on, i need to end this post.. it's getting long winded. I hope you all have a great weekend. Hope the weather is beautiful and we can all get out and enjoy some sunshine. God bless!


3 comments:

Dana said...

I check your blog everyday to see if you have updated... I'm so sorry for your loss. You are truely inspiration to me. I tell my sister who has lost 3 of her babies to read your blog.. hopefully now that they have internet where she lives she will. Your post are so true and dear to me.... it's not like you try to make like everything is ok... I know we should try in my family but this really has devstated us! Congrats On Kaidi she is beautiful!

kim said...

Meredith,
I have read your blog for a few months and almost commented, but couldn't find the courage until now.
I can't find the words to express what your story means to me, how your faith in God and your honesty truly amaze me. My heart aches for you, and I am brought to tears almost every time I read about your sweet angels.
God is working through you. Brayden and Kenadi are making a difference in the lives of others today.
I will never complain about how hard it is to have "3 under 3" again. I am humbled. Thank you.
I'm praying for you.

Leslie said...

Meredith,

I was doing my bible study today and I thought of you or more like God brought you to mind. I believe He wants me to share some comfort with you. I am doing the "Anointed Transformed Redeemed" A Study of David by Pricilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. Week 3 and Week 4 are written by Beth. They have really spoke to my heart about devastation and have brought me so much comfort. I don't understand your devastation but I know God does."We can endure something so horrific that we can convince ourselves life is over for us. We can conclude all joy is behind us and only pain awaits in the future. But, if we are wiling, one day at a time, one layer at a time, God begins to bring healing, restoration, and perhaps best of all, fresh revelation. Little slivers of light turn into late dawns and, finally, noon day suns" Beth Moore. There is joy on the horizon! I will pray daily for you and your husband. Thank you for being honest with your struggles and pain it is making a difference in my life.