March 31, 2010

8 Months

We have finally ordered the twins headstone. We went and checked on a couple of headstones with etching and porcelain photos, and decided to go with the etching. I think we are going to be very pleased with the final product. Their headstone is going to be solid black granite and there will be a vase on each side of the headstone. We are going to be pushing it to get it in in time for their birthday. It's so hard. This is just all too painful. And it is just not suppose to be like this. The past 8 months have seemed like a lifetime to me. 8 months since I brushed my fingers across their sleepy heads. 8 months since I held their hands in mine. 8 months since I felt the complete happy with life feeling in my life. There are so many things that I miss, I cannot name them all. Different things everyday that I ache for. Even crazy things, like spaghetti sauce all down the side of a chair and wet feet print scattered from the tub to the couch. I can remember, I would get Brayden out of the tub and set him on the mat with a towel around him and tell him, Stay here while I get Sissy out. It never failed, he would take off running to the living room so that Daddy could chase, catch and tickle him. After 2 nights of him slipping just as he made it to the hallway from the tub, I learned to wipe him VERY dry before letting him go. I still have a scribbled on recipe for Poppy Seed Chicken on my refrigerator. It was the last meal we 4 had together. Kenadi helped me crush the ritz crackers up. She was precious that night, in her plastic high heels dancing (mostly slipping) all through the kitchen. She was so proud of herself. Brayden slept that evening because he had missed his nap that day at Papa Shorty's. I can relive that last day so clear. But it seems like it was an eternity ago. They were our life. They were so much fun. They had just got to the age where they were truly a blast. The first year and a half with twins is pretty hard. It had just became so much fun and then they were taken away. I do not understand, don't know that I ever will understand. I know God has a plan. I know that He holds them for me now and that my God looks down upon me and gives me all kinds of smiles and giggles and coos from this beautiful daughter I have on this Earth. A sweet piece of B&K in her looks and expressions. Life is beautiful. The tragedies of life, not so much. Have a good week.

5 comments:

Heather from Ontario Canada said...

((hugs)) Meredith. I have no words to say that can make you feel better, you know that. Even my cyber hugs won't help, but I will continue to pray that God will hold you safe in His arms and comfort you.

Niki said...

Constantly praying for you and your family. HATE that you have to go through this...something no parent should have to go through. LOVE the scripture on your blog header...one of my favorites. We just talked about in my bible study yesterday actually. ((hugs))

Katelyn Ellis said...

Praying Meredith. I think about you often.

Kate

Leza said...

Meredith, I wish I had the words to take your pain away. I cannot imagine how hard it is to pick those headstones out for your beautiful children. I am always praying for the strength of you, your husband, and your mother. I know it does not seem fair, but you know that God has His hands on you and He's in charge of your life. You will be reunited and your beautiful children have a front seat to your, daddy, and Kenadi's life. May God continue to bless you with beautiful days and memories.

Kim said...

I am praying for you...that your broken heart will find some comfort. Your faith is an inspiration to me.