February 19, 2010

Show Us Your Ministry

Kelly from Kelly's Korner Blog made a change from her "Show Us Your Life" blog to "Show Us Your Ministry" for the week of February 19. I think it is kind of odd how God works. I was just thinking of jumping on this Blog Hop 2 weeks ago and changed my mind at the last minute and closed out the post I had created for "Show Us Your Life" the week of February 5. She made a post on Tuesday of last week that she was going to change it up a bit this week and encouraged everyone to do a post about what their ministry through their blog is. This is something that struck me. Every time I make a post in reference to B&K I pray that it will reach someone who needs it and encourage them through that infinite grace that God has shown me in my situation. So for those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, here is my story:
In May of 2007, God blessed me with a beautiful set of boy/girl twins who stole my heart the minute I laid eyes on them. They were perfect. My son was a complete clone of my husband and my daughter was mine. Our life was so busy. That is the only word I know to describe it. Our life revolved around taking the best care of Brayden and Kenadi and enjoying our time with them and doing fun things with them. They were so happy and just full of life. My Brayden was so smart and curious about everything. He knew how to count to ten and knew his 8 basic colors. He loved to sing songs and wanted to be in the room with Gregg and I all the time. My Kenadi was so care free. She would rather play by herself and could do just that for hours right by her lonesome. She was very outgoing and had a beautiful bright smile. They got along so well and you could tell how much they loved each other. They didn't like to be apart. If we had to separate them for any reason, they would cry for their twin the entire time. My life was good. It was happy and I loved being a mother of twins. It was so much fun. I had so many plans for Brayden and Kenadi. I was so ready to see them grow up and see if they would continue to resemble their parents and see what the "life with twins" would be through the years. In January of 2009, I quit the job that I had, and stayed home with B&K for the next 4 months until I found my current job. Looking back I know that God had his hand in that. As much as we struggled living with one income, God gave me those wonderful, happy 4 months with Brayden and Kenadi because he knew how special they would be to me in the future. Summer rolled around and we had a good summer. Took the kids to the park just about every week, to the zoo, to the beach, went and spent some time with my brother and his family for a few days. We just seemed to accomplish a lot in that final time with them, I am so thankful for those memories now. That wonderful, happy life that we had ended on July 29. My babies climbed in to an above ground pool and it all happened so fast after that: I am on the way to my moms from work when I get the call and see two ambulances pass me on the highway, I follow it to the hospital, pull up right behind them and see them carry my floppy son in to the ER and my daughter on a stretcher, hours pass by and I finally get to see my baby girl, lifeless on a bed, I see my son hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes and being rushed off with a life flight crew 3 hours away, I say good bye to my daughter, head to follow my son where I endure 15 hours of "not knowing" until he passes in my arms with me singing Jesus Loves Me, I come home and make funeral arrangements for my children, bury my babies on August 2. Cry daily and struggle with the question "why". I have come to understand some of God's purpose. Gregg's step-dad was saved the day before we buried B&K. Brayden and Kenadi's death had more of an impact on our community with their short 2 years than I have shamefully had in my entire 24. God was opening the eyes of our community that life is short and time is precious. If only I could scream at the people I see who continue to ignore the moments they could be spending with their children. How I wish I were still kissing mine good night every night and saying a prayer of safety and happiness over them as I did daily. In December, God blessed us with another little girl, Kaidi. She has restored a little bit of joy back into our lives and we are so blessed to have a child in our arms again. God took care of her while she was inside of me and all the pain I was enduring emotionally. He took care of her when I went nights without rest because I couldn't get my twins off of my mind. He will continue to take care of her as her father and I grieve with the death of Brayden and Kenadi. Life has been so tough without them but the our future together again is closer everyday. I put my raw feelings in my blog so that people can see me. So they can see that, by myself I am lonely and heartbroken and depressed, but with God in me I am comforted, restored and blessed. I hope that if you struggle in life, whether it be the loss of a child, spouse(through death or divorce) or the loss of a job. Anything that brings you down in this world, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And as tough and rocky and thorny as this road your walking may seem, God is with you and he will bring you through this storm if you put your faith and trust in him.

24 comments:

blessedmomto8 said...

Meredith,

Wow.. that's all I can say. You are a strong woman of God. I can't imagine your heartache and pain. Blessings to you...

Jen

Lauren said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I will pray for you and your famliy.

Summer said...

Wow...that is all I can say! You are truly an AMAZING woman! I can't imagine the heartache and pain you are going through! Thanks for telling your story! I will keep your family in my prayers....
Summer :0)

Lori said...

You are in my prayers. The Lord can bring comfort like nothing else. I love how you talk about your relationship with HIM.

I came over from Kelly's Korner, thank you for sharing your story.

Todd and Courtney said...

This made me cry :( You have beautiful children.

Michelle said...

I read your story a while back when Kelly's Korner had the prayer requests. I have been touched by your strength in God. I know it's the only way you are making it, but praise Him for your testimony!

ACOOP said...

You are such a wonderful example of faith, love and hope. I love reading your post! I think about you and pray for your little family often. God is GOOD! He will forever take care of you. Mathew 5:4

Amber said...

Thanks fo sharing your story. I truly cannot imagine what you have gone through. I am so thankful that we have a God who loves and us and carries us when we can't go on. And after reading your post...I am gonna go hug my two a little tighter....God bless you....

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

Wow! You have been through an incredibly difficult time and my heart goes out to you!

Jen said...

I found your blog shortly after you lost your precious children, and some how I couldn't find your blog anymore.
I am so glad I did today.
Your family has been on my heart often. I just remember {having twins myself} reading your story, crying, covered in goose bumps, & never imagining what you would endure.
Praise God for your newest blessing.

Kelly said...

I've followed your blog since the accident and your testimony of God's grace has touched me so much. I pray for you often. Thanks for sharing this today!

Kelly said...

I think of you often. I can't imagine how this past year has been for you.
Thank you for the amazing faith you show and for being so thoughtful to share your story!

Kelly said...

I think of you often. I can't imagine how this past year has been for you.
Thank you for the amazing faith you show and for being so thoughtful to share your story!

Jen said...

I have followed your blog since Kelly posted a while back with a prayer request for you. You are such a strong person, and I admire your faith so much. Our son was born with a congenital heart defect and has endured two open heart surgeries. He'll have another this summer. I never for one second have taken him for granted, as I am all too familiar with how quickly things can change in life. Thank you for sharing your story. Your family is beautiful, and I will continue to pray for you all.

Jen
http://www.thehuegelfamily.blogspot.com

kelly said...

Thanks for sharing. I to have boy/girl twins and I can't even imagine...but I know God is faithful no matter what the circumstances. I lost my husband when my twins were two and looking back on the past 5 years I know it was God carrying me thru those difficult sleepless nights.

Jennifer Ross said...

That was a hard post to read. I agree with your statement, " If only I could scream at the people I see who continue to ignore the moments they could be spending with their children. "

I loss my son about a year and a half ago, and my life will never be the same. I'm sorry for the loss of your son and daughter. Thank you for sharing. God Bless.

Jenny

Heather Adcock said...

Meredith... You don't know how special you and Gregg are to me.. Miss Kaidi is so blessed to have you and Gregg... Love u and praying for you always...

Heather Adcock said...

Meredith... You don't know how special you and Gregg are to me.. Miss Kaidi is so blessed to have you and Gregg... Love u and praying for you always...

Amanda said...

There aren't words. At least no words for your pain. Yet there are so many words I can think of to describe your walk. When you told your story I saw your love, I saw your faith, I saw your thankfulness at being the mom of incredible twins, I saw your ability to continue to live your life for Him and I see your hope in your sweet new baby. Hope for new memories and new joy to join the loving memories you have of your twins. Thank you for sharing your loving ministry!

Tiffany said...

Meredith,

Your story brings tears to my eyes, but joy to my heart. I am so glad that you never forgot that God was always with you. Not many people could have gone through that event and not questioned his process. You are a strong strong person!

Journey of the George's said...

I have followed your blog since the accident. I know that was painful for you to retype your story again. I KNOW that you are blessing people everyday. Love and hugs to you!

Jill said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the horror you have endured. You have lived every mother's worst nightmare. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a true testament to the things we can make it through with God by our side.

CRICKET said...

I couldn't agree more with this statement you made:
"If only I could scream at the people I see who continue to ignore the moments they could be spending with their children."
For me - No wordly goods: clothes, home, vacations are more important then staying home with my little ones. No one is going to care for them the way I would. I am so not perfect, some days are hard but I would not trade it.

I read your story soon after you posted about it last year and have had both my children in swimming lessons all Winter long. You are touching peoples lives and while I have a different belief system it doesn;t really matter, mothers are cut from the same cloth.

The Rogers Family said...

Thank you for reminding me daily how precious life is...