In May of 2007, God blessed me with a beautiful set of boy/girl twins who stole my heart the minute I laid eyes on them. They were perfect. My son was a complete clone of my husband and my daughter was mine. Our life was so busy. That is the only word I know to describe it. Our life revolved around taking the best care of Brayden and Kenadi and enjoying our time with them and doing fun things with them. They were so happy and just full of life. My Brayden was so smart and curious about everything. He knew how to count to ten and knew his 8 basic colors. He loved to sing songs and wanted to be in the room with Gregg and I all the time. My Kenadi was so care free. She would rather play by herself and could do just that for hours right by her lonesome. She was very outgoing and had a beautiful bright smile. They got along so well and you could tell how much they loved each other. They didn't like to be apart. If we had to separate them for any reason, they would cry for their twin the entire time. My life was good. It was happy and I loved being a mother of twins. It was so much fun. I had so many plans for Brayden and Kenadi. I was so ready to see them grow up and see if they would continue to resemble their parents and see what the "life with twins" would be through the years. In January of 2009, I quit the job that I had, and stayed home with B&K for the next 4 months until I found my current job. Looking back I know that God had his hand in that. As much as we struggled living with one income, God gave me those wonderful, happy 4 months with Brayden and Kenadi because he knew how special they would be to me in the future. Summer rolled around and we had a good summer. Took the kids to the park just about every week, to the zoo, to the beach, went and spent some time with my brother and his family for a few days. We just seemed to accomplish a lot in that final time with them, I am so thankful for those memories now. That wonderful, happy life that we had ended on July 29. My babies climbed in to an above ground pool and it all happened so fast after that: I am on the way to my moms from work when I get the call and see two ambulances pass me on the highway, I follow it to the hospital, pull up right behind them and see them carry my floppy son in to the ER and my daughter on a stretcher, hours pass by and I finally get to see my baby girl, lifeless on a bed, I see my son hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes and being rushed off with a life flight crew 3 hours away, I say good bye to my daughter, head to follow my son where I endure 15 hours of "not knowing" until he passes in my arms with me singing Jesus Loves Me, I come home and make funeral arrangements for my children, bury my babies on August 2. Cry daily and struggle with the question "why". I have come to understand some of God's purpose. Gregg's step-dad was saved the day before we buried B&K. Brayden and Kenadi's death had more of an impact on our community with their short 2 years than I have shamefully had in my entire 24. God was opening the eyes of our community that life is short and time is precious. If only I could scream at the people I see who continue to ignore the moments they could be spending with their children. How I wish I were still kissing mine good night every night and saying a prayer of safety and happiness over them as I did daily. In December, God blessed us with another little girl, Kaidi. She has restored a little bit of joy back into our lives and we are so blessed to have a child in our arms again. God took care of her while she was inside of me and all the pain I was enduring emotionally. He took care of her when I went nights without rest because I couldn't get my twins off of my mind. He will continue to take care of her as her father and I grieve with the death of Brayden and Kenadi. Life has been so tough without them but the our future together again is closer everyday. I put my raw feelings in my blog so that people can see me. So they can see that, by myself I am lonely and heartbroken and depressed, but with God in me I am comforted, restored and blessed. I hope that if you struggle in life, whether it be the loss of a child, spouse(through death or divorce) or the loss of a job. Anything that brings you down in this world, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And as tough and rocky and thorny as this road your walking may seem, God is with you and he will bring you through this storm if you put your faith and trust in him.
February 19, 2010
Show Us Your Ministry
Kelly from Kelly's Korner Blog made a change from her "Show Us Your Life" blog to "Show Us Your Ministry" for the week of February 19. I think it is kind of odd how God works. I was just thinking of jumping on this Blog Hop 2 weeks ago and changed my mind at the last minute and closed out the post I had created for "Show Us Your Life" the week of February 5. She made a post on Tuesday of last week that she was going to change it up a bit this week and encouraged everyone to do a post about what their ministry through their blog is. This is something that struck me. Every time I make a post in reference to B&K I pray that it will reach someone who needs it and encourage them through that infinite grace that God has shown me in my situation. So for those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, here is my story: