I don't know what to expect. Your Daddy and I are going through such a mystery right now that it is hard to imagine what things will be like when you arrive. I know we will be so happy to finally have you in our arms, but also so sad that your big brother and sister are not here with us to welcome you. We will take this day by day and trust that God will fill us with the Peace and understanding that we will need when you get here. I hate that I am different now. That I have been forever changed and robbed of the life I planned for me. I know that is where God stepped in and told me that He was in control and that He would take care of my plans. I trust Him. I can't wait to tell you all about God and how He is holding Brayden and Kenadi and they are watching us from Heaven. I cannot wait for you to get here and we can finally solve the puzzle of what you look like :) Your Daddy wants you to look just like your big sister. She was beautiful and regardless if you look like her or Brayden or a mixture of them both, you will be beautiful because God created you to be uniquely you. I love you and your Daddy loves you the only way he knows how right now. He is having such a hard time with this and I know that when the nurse gives you to him He is going to have that same proud smile on his face that he did when they gave him Brayden and Kenadi. I am sorry that this has happened and that you will be coming 4 months after this horrible tragedy, but know that you are a life saver. A heart saver. You will be my new joy in the mornings and night. It won't bother me getting up all hours of the night with you because I will be so grateful that a child is dependent on me again. I will rock you and hold you and spoil you and sing to you and do all the things I miss with Brayden and Kenadi and even start some new things too. I will tell you stories about them and the wonderful 2 years they were loaned to your daddy and me from God. I will instill the same morals, values, manners and love that I did with them. I may cry singing "Jesus Loves Me" with you but know that it is tears of love and pain. Pain that will never leave me with those lyrics. I will never forget the last time I sang it with Brayden. It will be a song that you will learn to hold dear to your heart. I will discipline you and expect the same rules to hold you that did Brayden and Kenadi. You may get more attention then they did because there is only one of you and there were two of them, but you won't get by with more than they did! :) Ok maybe a little! I will love you more than you will ever imagine until the day God blesses you with a child of your own. Then you will understand my love. My love will never change for you and I will always be your number 1 fan. I will cherish EVERY trip to the park, EVERY shopping trip, EVERY lullaby, EVERY smile, EVERY laugh, EVERY cry, EVERY boo boo followed by a run to Mommy for comfort, I will cherish the moment you take your first step in life, in the Kindergarten class room, on the stage for your first recital, down the aisle when you accept Christ into your life, out the door to your first prom, out the door to your first date, in the auditorium at graduation, down the aisle at your wedding and in to the delivery room with your first child. I will be there always Kaidi. I will probably cry but you will understand one day. I pray for you all the time. That this tragedy will have no ill affect on you. That you will gracefully understand the pain that your daddy and I will experience throughout your life. That you will be a reflection of your brother and sister in your smiles and silliness and love. I pray that God will give you patience and a strong faith in Him. You will need it in life. I love you and am waiting patiently for you to arrive. See you soon baby Kaidi.
With all the Love I have for you,