Last night, Gregg and I went to Dothan to visit a friend who had a beautiful baby girl on Tuesday. We stopped in Enterprise and picked us up some grub at Santa Fe. Gregg always sits facing the door. Well I was really glad of it this time because their was a group of 5 sitting behind us and the youngest of that group was a 2 year old little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Everything was going great and he never noticed the little boy. Well all of a sudden our waitress comes up to the table with the little boy and starts hollering for the entire restaurants attention to give that 2 year old a Happy Birthday Yee Haw! Well of course Gregg turns around to look and within seconds he is turning around with a look of total sadness in his face. I immediately tried to think of something to talk about and you know how those moments are, you go completely blank. Don't get me wrong, I was sad at the thought that B&K would never have another birthday and that 2 seemed to be reminder to us that that was their last one, but in public I try to be happy for everyone else around us. I know that our life is going through a very rough time right now, the hardest time we hopefully will ever face, but I try to keep in mind that everyone around us' life doesn't stop continuing on in happiness. It hurts. Gregg doesn't do so well seeing little boys. It's a reminder to him that he doesn't have one to take hunting and play catch and mimic Daddy in everything he does. He is heartbroken for a son. Gregg went to the restroom to clear his mind, and I sat there numb. This was going to be something constantly happening to us. I knew that. I had already realized it, but sitting there made it all the more real. We ordered a dessert for us to take to the new mother, paid our tab and left. Gregg and I have become very close through this. Which that is hard to believe because we have always been real close, but this is a different closeness. A closeness I don't think I can explain. We hurt for each other. And we are battling the same issues right now. I think we just have an understanding of our feelings and how we relate in them. It's not a closeness that I would want, because to get there, something bad has to happen. We both lost our grandparents at the same time. That was very hard. I remember Gregg's Papa died unexpectedly at the end of May in 2005. Gregg was very upset. He was the only grandson and he was very close to his Papa. He lived with his Papa and Granny at the time and seeing his Papa was part of his daily routine. His funeral was on Monday and I went back to work on Tuesday. I got a call at work from my mother telling me that I needed to get to my Nanny's house. My Nanny was battling colon cancer and was at the end stages. Hospice had come in and she was not well. I hung up the phone and started praying. God please give me some time. I am not ready for this right now. I need to be there for Gregg right now. He needs me to comfort him. Please God give me time. Gregg came and got me and took me to my Nanny's. I couldn't go in there. I didn't want to see her like that. I wanted to remember seeing her at the table laughing and carrying on like I remembered. Gregg grabbed a hold of me and told me that he didn't get a chance to tell his Papa goodbye and that I didn't need to miss out on it with my Nanny or I would regret it for the rest of my life. I went in her room and held her hand. I remember her eyes catching mine and she squeezed my hand and said, "don't cry for me baby." I squeezed back and said, "ok" God graciously gave me 2 more weeks before my Nanny left this Earth to be in Heaven. My last memory with her alive is a wonderful one for me. I spent a lot of time with her the night before she passed. I painted her fingernails and toenails. I sang all sorts of hymns to her. She just laid there. Couldn't talk, couldn't move. Just laid there. I remember leaving there and getting halfway home and telling myself that I should turn around and go back and stay at her house that night with my mom. I decided not to and after she passed away that next morning I was so mad at myself for not turning back around. I know now that I wasn't suppose to be there. I wasn't suppose to see her last breath. I wasn't able to handle it then. God always does things the right way. Whether we can see it or not in the beginning is up to us. He knows what He is doing. I know that my Nanny and Gregg's Papa are enjoying every minute of Brayden and Kenadi. I can see Kenadi in Nanny's lap and them holding their hands up side by side and seeing the resemblance. I said from the day Kenadi was born that she had my Nanny's hands. She held them up to her face so sweetly. Wow, I have jumped all over the place with this post. I guess you guys are use to that though. Please pray for Gregg. My heart is really burdened for him right now.
on another note, we have a 4d ultrasound today! :) I am very excited to see little Kaidi! I will have some pics and maybe some video of it up tomorrow!! :)