I am so stressed today. I am going through things that cannot be on this blog so you will not understand and I am sorry. Things that I shouldn't have to go through. (but hey, what's new there) Things that are stupid and inconsiderate and should be the last thing I need to worry with right now. I am hurt. I am angry. I am tired. I cannot escape this. I am going through the worse thing I could ever imagine. I am dealing with emotions and grief over the loss of my children, the loss of what my world revolved around day to day, the loss of all the dreams I had for my beautiful twins. The loss of giggles in my house. The loss of happiness in my arms. The loss that no one can understand unless they have been in my shoes themselves. I cannot tell you the pain that I experience every minute of the day. The emotional pain that is taking a toll on my physical body. There are days when I don't want to do anything. Days when I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to perform as a robot throughout the day, so maybe I won't feel anything. THIS IS NOT FAIR. I can hide my sadness and pain in a crowd but I cannot escape it. It is with me all the time. I hate having the label over my head that reads "mother who lost two children" I cannot run from what has happened I cannot fold the cards I have been dealt. I can only take on this new "platform" God has given me and have faith in Him to use me however he needs me. I hurt with all that I have. I know God has a purpose and that I am suffering pain and sorrow on his behalf (Philippians 1:29 "