August 28, 2009

The Worst 2 Days

I think I may be able to handle writing the day of the accident so I am going to give it a try.
July 29, 2009, 5:00- I get off of work and head to my mom's house that is 15 minutes from where I work. I am on the phone with Gregg and his mom beeped in so he told me he would call me back. I don't have very good service on the back roads heading to my moms and a voicemail pops up where Gregg tried to call me back so I call him and when he answers i hear someone in the background hollering something at him and gregg comes back to the phone and says "get to the hospital" well i am arriving at the end of the "back road" coming to the intersection with the highway my mom lives off and at that same moment 2 ambulances come flying by heading towards the hospital. My heart sunk and I jumped in line behind the 2 ambulances and 2 sheriff vehicles that followed and sped behind them to the hospital. i can remember praying so hard the whole way in to town. it never registered to me that there were 2 ambulances 1 for each of my children. I prayed for God to prepare me for whatever was ahead of me.. that is all i remember praying for over and over again.. for God to give me strength in whatever was going on and i prayed that my babies would be ok. It took us about 5-7 minutes to get the hospital from when i jumped in line behind them. I was shaking and scared and nervous. I whipped into the er parking lot and got out of the car to see one of the medics carrying my limp son in to the er and rolling kenadi in on the stretcher. we were immediately rushed through many faces... that is all i remember is many faces.. faces i have known my entire life but each one looked different.. they each looked at me as if they at any moment would deliver the worst news to me a mother could ever hear. we werent allowed to stay back in the er so they took us out to the hallway and my mom was out there screaming. she was wet and covered in dirt and looked completely exhausted and emotionally a mess... what happened: my kids were sitting on their blanket in the living room watching tv and my mom went to the bathroom and while in the bathroom she heard the two splashes so she ran through the house out the door and to the pool where both my babies were. she climbed in grabbed one and brought it out and went in and got the other one and got it out.. she started performing cpr on both of them and in between she screamed for help. (my mom lives 12 miles from town and is the first house down a dirt road) finally she scooped up my 2 kids and ran them to the porch and ran and got her phone and called 911 and then continued to do cpr on both. she said that a man appeared out of no where that owned a close by gas station and was a volunteer firefighter and he performed cpr on one and she did the other... that is all i know of that much... back to the hospital... people started flooding in as the news spread around our small town and gregg and i were overwhelmed. we still had not heard ANYTHING from the police or the doctor. Finally we asked if we could hear something from someone and the doctor came out there and told us that they had every available person working on both of our children. we were able to stay in a break room that was back near the er so we wouldnt have to deal with all the people in the waiting area. we waited there for forever... our pediatrician came in to see us and it was all over his face, his eyes were tear filled and he couldn't speak.. but he told us they were still working on them. we knew that a chopper was on its way for one of them. and that they had a pulse on one of them (brayden). well i really had to use the bathroom and asked if they had one back in the er that i could use so i wouldnt have to go out in the waiting area so a nurse led me to their private bathroom and when i came out the door the walked me across into an er room where an unfamiliar doctor and 2 familiar hospital employees waited on me. within seconds they brought gregg in there to be with me and told us that a helicopter was landing and soon they would be taking Brayden to Birmingham but that Kenadi didn't make it. I felt like the world was spinning and I was sitting there stopped. How could my little girl be gone. She was such a fighter. She had already made it through 3 surgeries with no problem. how could this happen. they asked if we wanted to see her. well of course i did. I walked in and she was beautiful. Her hair was perfect, her skin was pale, she was perfect. she had on her Alabama t-shirt which i loved her wearing because the crimson looked so good on her with her dark hair and eyes. I never imagined the first cold body i ever touched would be that of my own child's. I wanted to pick her up and hold her. I now wish i would have. I wish i would have embraced her one last time and sang to her and kissed her and told her goodbye. our time with her was so short at the hospital. we had to hurry the flight medics were there and we had to go to b'ham to be with brayden because he was all we had left. it was so hard to leave her. how do you leave your child. how do you do that. i know it was what we had to do, but my heart was so torn. this was my little girl. my little mini-me. she had my hair, my eyes, my nose, my shape, my grandmother's hands. how could i leave her not knowing if i was gonna see her again or not. how? why? we went and were able to see brayden just before the flight medics got there and i held his hand hoping for him to squeeze it back. i cried for him to fight fight for his sister fight for his mommy and daddy who needed him more than ever right now. they docs there told us he was trying to breathe on his own some. but finding out later that that was just a sign of no brain activity. we headed out the ambulance bay where our friends car waited on us and there were so many people outside.. many were weeping and praying and all just looking at us. i was still is such shock and dealing with so much guilt of leaving kenadi behind. i wanted her. we were 4 we weren't 3. she belonged with us. we belonged together. we started on the 3 hour trip to birmingham. half way there we had a phone call from the hospital asking us if we would be interested in donating kenadi's organs. what? taking my child apart? cutting her open? it was too much for me to take in right now, i was swallowing the loss of my daughter and fighting for the hope that my son would live. i looked at gregg and he was just as lost as i was. i agreed to and told gregg that someone would not have to go through what we are going through. then all kinds of questions came to our mind. if brayden made it, how would we tell him his "sissy" was gone? how would he understand? would he be the same? would he be a vegetable? would he ever speak or run or play again? what did our future hold? we prayed. God hold our kenadi tight in your arms. let her know we love her. be with brayden help him fight. we arrived at the hospital and went to the picu where brayden waited for us. he was hooked up to a ventilator, a ngtube? iv's heart monitors, all sorts of things and he just laid there. no movement just his breaths. you would pull his lid's back and they were dilated and glassy looking.. i would put myself directly in the direction of his eyes and pray that he would see me. that he would wake up. i kept telling him that i had so much i wanted to tell him. he rode in a helicopter. he loved helicopters. he would have been so excited about that. i told him that i needed him more than kenadi did and that he needed to wake up and come home with me. i wanted so bad for a miracle to happen in that PICU. He was so handsome. he looked so much like his daddy. i played with his hair and sang all the songs that he loved to sing. i prayed and prayed. we went out to the waiting room to see if our families had arrived yet. they had. my brother and his wife had made it there and it was good to see him. he lives in north alabama. we walked across the street from the hospital to find something to eat and it started raining and it was late and nothing was open so we came back and someone ran and got something for me to eat while we went back to see brayden again. we met with a wonderful social worker who was so sweet and loving. we spent more time praying over brayden and hoping for him to wake up. we asked the nurse about his chances and what would happen tomorrow and she told us that he had no visible brain activity and that in the morning they would do a brain test and if it showed nothing than they would have to unhook the ventilator. we pretty much started preparing ourselves for the news that we knew we would face in the morning, but didn't give up hope for the miracle that we so longed to see revealed. we went back out to family and someone had went and got something for us to eat. they had set up a conference room for our family to stay in because we had so many wonderful friends and family there with us. as i sat there and ate a cheeseburger that tasted like a brick because i knew that i had a little one growing inside of me and she needed something to eat. it was the worse meal i had ever had. it had no taste at all. nothing did. the social worker came in there for me to sign some paperwork on kenadi's organ donations and had some things checked on that they were going to get from her. and i had to agree for each one of them. one of them set me back. it was eyes. how could i let them take my daughter's beautiful brown eyes out of her body? i am sorry to anyone who reads this who has a blind child or a child who need's eyes but i was selfish. i would not let them take her eyes. when i agreed to donate her organs it was to save another person's life not sight. the only other thing that was harvestable was her heart. and i agreed to that.. once she left, amongst the entire group, i finally fell apart. it was real, this wasn't a dream, my child died and my other child was dying. why my little girl and my little boy. why both? why me? why like this? i went in to brayden and begged him to wake up told him that i needed him so much he had to get up and get better.. kenadi was ok because she had God but i needed him.. i needed brayden to wake up so that the life i had lived for the past 2 years would not be completely taken away from me. i needed him. i wanted to hold him. he HAD to be strong. he HAD to wake up. how do you bury both of your children. i went and laid down for about an hour and a half and got back up and sat with brayden a while and sang to him and told him some stories from the past 2 years. As it got closer to morning and just before visiting hours started with the picu, i headed in there and the nurse told me that i would have to come back when the visiting hours had started.. did she not realize this was the only time i had left with my child... gregg and i decided to go get a hotel room and try to get a good rest for about 3-4 hours so we got a voucher from our social worker and headed to the hotel, we checked in and pulled around to the room and we stepped out of the car and gregg's cell rang and it was our social worker telling us to get back to the hospital, something funny was going on with brayden's heart. we rushed back to children's and up to the picu and the picu was shut down (for us) and we ran to brayden's bed that was surrounded by residents and several interns. the resident told us that he had coded and they gave him some medicine to help his heart start back but that his heart was very tired from all the stress and that they could continue to give him medicine to keep him alive. when the resident moved out of the way and my son was revealed to me, i knew it wasn't him anymore. i had a peace that he was where his heart longed to be. he was with his Heavenly father and his "sissy". I was wrong all along. i thought i needed brayden. really brayden needed kenadi more. he couldn't live without her. that was his best friend, that was all he knew since God formed his tiny body in my womb. he couldn't be separated from her. he had to take care of her. that was his role. he was the big brother. he fit it well too. he always took such good care of her and I know that neither one of my precious babies would have had it any other way than to come in to this world together and to leave together. As bad as it hurts to know that, i find peace in knowing that not only is God taking care of them, but they are taking care of each other. They are on this adventure together. They are happy. As we stood there, Gregg fell apart and begged Brayden to wake up. Pleaded with God. I stood there in awe of how beautiful my son was. Of how the past 2 years of my life were full of so much joy and he was so smart and loving. I leaned down to Brayden and gave him a kiss on the forehead and prayed to God, "Lord, please don't let him suffer anymore, if you are going to take him, take him now and take care of him." I stood up and his heart rate started dropping and I knew. I knew God was answering the prayer that I felt so horrible praying at the time. But God had his hand upon me as this was going on. He knew that His strength in me would help me make it through. The doctor said he was getting near to coding and wanted to know if we wanted to continue to keep him alive although she strongly didn't advise it. i shook my head and asked if i could please hold him. So they sat me down by his bed and placed him in my arms and one at a time they pulled the tubes from his body and he died. I rocked him and sang "Jesus Loves You this I know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to him belong, we are weak, but he is STRONG, yes Jesus loves you, yes jesus loves me" He was perfect. He was beautiful. He was in Heaven. I was so jealous. I rocked him for a lil and then handed him to Gregg for him to rock some. We laid him on his bed and let the nurse clean him up a little while we took care of some business we had to do. We went to our family and came back to bathe brayden and get a cast of his feet and prints of his feet. it was so hard, but in a sense i felt like Mary. My son died an unjust death and I was preparing his body for the grave. we combed his hair and put a gown on him so that family could come back and see him. oh my child, my precious child laid there cold on a bed. beautiful and at peace. How i longed to hear his voice call "mommy" and see his big, crooked grin and beautiful blue eyes that were just like his daddy's. oh my child. we left birmingham and headed to the funeral home because i wanted to see Kenadi. i missed her and i wanted to spend equal time with her because i felt so guilty for leaving her and for not holding her or bathing her or brushing her hair. she wasnt at the funeral home. they had transfered her body to b'ham to harvest her organs and her and brayden would come back together on friday. i was so numb. we took care of some of the arrangements on thurs. afternoon when we got into town. it was very hard. you are NOT suppose to plan your child's funeral. you are suppose to plan their birthday parties and their weddings and the graduation parties and their babys showers and so many other things. we are not suppose to pick out a casket. we are not suppose to go and get outfits for our children to be buried in. Why? This isn't fair! This isn't right! This is NOT the life i planned on. We headed to my aunts lake house to spend so that we could be away from everyone. we had a pastor friend come visit us there and we talked a long time with him. We went to bed and woke up to start another day.

91 comments:

Bethany said...

Meredith, I do not know you, but I have wept for you since I heard of your story. I have two children and could never imagine enduring the pain that you are going through. Your story today was incredibly candid, and I thank you for that. I admire you so much for your ability to put all of that into words, for your strong faith and for your amazing strength. I am praying for you and your husband, for your two beautiful children resting in the arms of Jesus and for your baby in utero. God has a plan for you and a plan to bring you out of this pain. He will use your situation to touch more lives, to bring more people to him. You are incredible; never forget that. Sending many hugs from Ohio.

dg darling said...

Thank you. Thank you for trusting us, most of us strangers, with that story. I can't imagine how hard it must be to relive that day in your mind. I sobbed through the whole thing and they're not even my children. I just wish so badly that I could comfort you somehow, but I understand that's the Lord's responsibility. I pray for you daily and will continue to do so....

Kim Bowers said...

Meredith,
I don't know what to say. Through out your situation I have experienced so many emotions. I sat and read your blog and literally I am crying but I am also in awe of you. I admire you for being so strong and voicing how Awesome our God is. He truly is our comforter. I can not even begin to know the emotions and feelings that you have had. I have hurt for you and prayed for you since I heard the devestating news. I also know that Brayden & Kenadi are in the arms of Jesus and there is NO greater place to be. Please know that God is being glorified through your two precious babies and through you and Gregg. I know you will have "your moments" but remember "every tear you've cried he holds them in His hands. He's never left your side though your heart is torn. Praise him in this strom" Love to you and Gregg.

Kim Bowers

Lacey McKay said...

You are so brave to share your story with the world. I hope that you found it to be therapeutic for you to let some if the hurt out. I hope that you continue to write about your precious twins and keep their memory alive by doing so. You might be amazed by how many lives they will continue to touch and how many people they will inspire. My thoughts have been with you all week, since I first found your blog. I even sang "Jesus Loves You" to my baby earlier today for the very first time. I usually sing a different version "Mommy Loves You", but I want her to know that Jesus loves her very much too.

Kelly said...

Meredith, how my heart hurts for you and how I have wept for you since I heard of your story. Thank you for sharing this today. You are an incredible woman. God's grace shines through your testimony! I am praying for you and your family. May He give you healing from this tragedy.

Praying for a safe delivery of your baby. I'm due with my first on Dec. 28th. I think it's kind of interesting that you live in AL too. We live in North AL near Huntsville.

Take care,
Kelly

Alyson said...

Meredith-I am so sorry for the incredible pain that you and your husband are going through right now. You are a true inspiration of faith in God--that even in the hardest times, you are praising Him. I cannot even begin to imagine the agony you feel, but know that God is cradling you, your husband, and your whole family in His arms, and He will help you to make it..one more minute, one more hour, one more day, and will bring you a joy that only He can give. I am praying for you all, and for the sweet little girl God is creating perfectly inside of you. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Anonymous said...

You are so strong to share your story of loss and faith. I can not begin to fathom what you are going through, but know that I have prayed for you since I found your blog on Kelly's Korner. God Bless you, your husband, and your sweet new baby.

Sara Lynn said...

I am praying for you and your family. Your story was just heartbreaking but know that God will bring you through this.

Anonymous said...

Meredith-

Your strength is amazing, although I am sure so many times you feel weak. The Lord is there and picks you up. I have spent many hours thinking of you, your husband, your mom, and family. Please know there are so many people this trajedy touched, and so many of us pray for you daily. I admire your ability to share your story and pray that you have a safe delivery of your daughter!
Hugs and prayers from Washington

kelly said...

i never knew b&k but i can see clearly how beautiful and special they are. heaven is a brighter place with their smiles in it. many prayers for you and your family.

CRICKET said...

I too don;t know you but as I read your story I cried. I can not express in words how sorry I am. Your faith is amazing, your children are beautiful and you are generous for sharing. My thoughts ans prayers are with your entire family.

The Stairs Family said...

Your strength is amazing, even though you may not feel "strong". I sat here and sobbed while reading this because I can't imagine the horror of losing a child. Thank you for sharing your story with us, I know it was difficult. Also, I pray that your mother is finding peace, I am sure must be having a really difficult time with all of this. Know that there are many people around the world who are praying and thinking of you daily.

The Harper Family said...

I cannot keep you off my mind. Ever since I read your prayer request from Kelly's Korner, my heart has just ached for you. I am praying and praying and praying for you and your entire family. God has two very special children in his arms and someday you will all be together again. May God give you extra comfort and peace.

All About Aleigha said...

Meredith, I'm not even sure I know what to say. Mainly I'm so sorry you had to go through that but telling us strangers your story is amazing. I read your story & can't stop crying at work. My heart aches for you so deeply. I have a young child & know that your story will open lots of eyes. As hard as it probably was for you thanks for sharing with us. The strength you show is amazing. Praying for you & sending hugs from Louisiana.

Heather said...

I sit and weep for you. I have not known you and your family but for a few years, but you all are very dear to my heart. Ya'll are such wonderful sweet christians and I admire your faith. I wished things like this didn't have to happen to anyone. Your right I always said the little Ramer mini-mes, they looked so much like you and Gregg. They were so beautiful and precious. I love you and your family and if you need anything ever, I will do whatever I can. Praying for God to heal your broken heart and give you comfort.

Dave and Mandi said...

Meredith,

You are such an inspiration and woman of God. Your children are blessed to have known you as their mother.

Alexa said...

praying, and praying some more. I do not understand & I do not like this, but alas am greatful that you & your babies have God...

Valerie Cornwell said...

Meredith,
I wept all the way through your story and my heart literally hurts for you and your family though I know it pales in comparision to the hurt you are enduring. I honestly don't know if I would have the strength to go on. I have a 2 yr old son and while he is at grandmothers right now because I needed a break.... I feel so ashamed and selfish and just want him back to hug him and kiss him because you never know. You are in my thoughts, prayers, and I really am at a loss for anything else to say. Afterall, nothing is going to make it easier. I hate how people say it will be ok... it's not ok no one should have to go through the ordeal your family has. I hope you have a lot of support from friends and family and if you want to contact me I'll cry right along with you. If you ever need anything just let me know, and again I'm so extremely sorry.

Kaleena said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. The pictures you posted are beautiful. Your words in this post broke my heart. I am so glad that you have such a strong faith in God during this time! I said an extra prayer for your mother also, as I'm sure she is just sick with grief as well. God bless you all!

The Morris Family said...

Your holding on to the ONE that can and will be ever so near as you travel this road. It has been 2/ 1/2 years since our little 3 yr twin, Joel went to heaven. I am so thankful as you share that you have Hope and Faith. The scriptures have been my Rock. Praying for you.

Cindy

Autumn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Autumn said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I cry with you. You forever have two precious angels watching over you. I am praying for your daily.

The Rich Family said...

Thankyou for sharing your testimony. I cried and cried as I read your blog. My heart aches for you, your husband, and your mother. I am about your age and have 3 little ones under age 5 with another due in November and have been feeling very tired and overhwhelmed until I read your blog. It has really changed my outlook. It is obvious that you are such a woman of God and your blog has pointed me and I'm sure many others to our Savior.

Carissa said...

I popped over here from kelly's corner, she put a prayer request up on her blog. I am so so so sorry for your loss. I could not imagine losing 2 children.my heart breaks for you.

Susan said...

Meredith,

Thank you so much for having the strength to share your story. You are a very brave woman who has endured more than any mom should ever have to. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. May you continue to find peace while sharing your feelings, writing what happened and preparing for the birth of your new daughter. Brayden and Kenadi are so proud of you and they are watching down on you from heaven!!!

God Bless you family,
Susan

Just Add Walter said...

thank you for sharing this story.. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to write all of it out and relive it all... you truly are an inspiration. I have been thinking of your family every day and praying for you all as hard as I can.

Mommy Attorney said...

You do not know me, but I am praying for you in North Alabama. For you and your entire family. May God comfort you.

Emily said...

You do not know me, but I heard of your story from Kelly's Korner. My heart breaks for you and the loss of your two babes. I am praying earnestly for you and your husband and your little one on the way. May God give you peace and comfort.

Melony said...

Thank you for sharing your story and allowing total strangers like myself along with your friends to lift you and your family up in prayer. I will also be praying for your mother as I am sure this has been extremely difficult for her as well. I pray that God will not allow guilt to enter and that He will fill you with peace in knowing that they are together and playing in HEAVEN.. Oh the stories they will share with you when you are reunited with them.

LIsa said...

I don't know you but I read your story and am sobbing. My heart aches for you and your family. I myself have a two year old and could not ever imagine what you have gone through. I am so sad for you, but am happy that your children are with God. If you

Anonymous said...

Meredith,

I cannot stop crying. I have three little ones 6,4,2 I can't imagine what you are going through. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for your family. Your story has really taught me never take any day for granted.

Love and prayers from Michigan

Kimberley said...

Your words bring me to tears while your strength and courage continue to amaze me. Know you are covered in prayers as you figure out your "new normal". My heart breaks for you and your families. ~Love and prayers from Maryland

anna said...

my heart breaks for you. you are in my prayers.

Jan said...

My heart aches for you. I have precious twin girls in heaven. They have been there for 23 years. I imagine them taking your little ones under their wings and showing them around. I am praying for the Lord to minister comfort to you in the days ahead.

Kimberly said...

Dear Sweet Family, I also do not know you... but have been praying for you. I can't EVEN imagine your pain...words I can't even say. So beautiful tho how you compare your son as Mary prepared her sons body...thank you for sharing your beautiful children with us. YOU ARE AMAZING...asking Jesus to hold you and your family in His arms. From Seattle...a prayer daily..

Our Journey said...

I am crying as I'm writing this. You have so much strength to share your story in a time filled with so much pain. You inspire me with the peace you have found in such a tragedy. Kenadi and Brayden are smiling and singing in heaven and know how much their mommy loves and misses them.

I continue to pray for you daily as do many of my family and friends.

Anonymous said...

Meredith, there are no words. My heart breaks for you and your husband and also for your mother. I live in North AL and go to church at Whitesburg Baptist Church. Our pastor asked us to pray for your family just after this happened. He spoke through tears as he shared the little he knew. I've thought and prayed for you over the weeks and then came across your blog from Kelly's Korner. I'm sure it was really hard to share the details in writing. Writing can be good therapy. My heart just breaks for you all. Just know you are being prayed for by so many. Do your best to take care of your self for that little one growing inside of you. I have suffered the loss of a child as well. The pain never goes away. But, God is good. God is farithful. God is on the throne. He loves you. Cling to Him. I'll continue to pray for you.

Kylie, Jesse and Asher said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that as you write and process it will help the road of grief that you are on. Your children are beautiful. Your passion for motherhood is obvious. I'm so very thankful that you know the Lord. He is truly your greatest comforter in this hour of need. Thanks for sharing. I am praying for you and your husband, new baby, your mama and your family.

Luke's Mom said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying that God will continue to comfort you and hold you close in His arms.

Love in Christ,
Suzi Searles

Anonymous said...

I read this yesterday but I just couldn't comment. There are still no words, but I just needed you to thank you for giving us some insight into what happened. I am grieving so much for you and your husband, and I am also imagining the pain your mom will live with for the rest of her life. There are prayers surrounding all three of you.

Tina

Angie said...

Thank you so much for sharing your innermost feelings of that day and that tragic event. I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes, but reading your words I felt like I was holding your hand as you talked!! WOW-what a powerful entry. I pray that you continue to feel God's grace along with Brayden and Kenadi as the days go by. You are a very strong woman...

lindsey said...

you are amazing...
Love to you and your husband and all of your family

Anna said...

I cannot imagine how hard that was for you to type out the events of those horrible days. I know you'll be glad that you did, but I don't know how you even put one foot in front of the other! May God continue to bring you a peace beyond understanding. May the lives of your precious babies live on through you, your husband, your story and your faith.

Nancy said...

Meredith,
You do not know me, but I have been following your blog since Kelly posted your need for prayer. I am sobbing as I read your words. You are so very strong. I will continue to pray for you and your angels and your baby tucked away safe in your womb. I will make your prayer needs known in church tomorrow and we will all lift you up. God bless you, your family and your precious Angels. I will hold my own child a little tighter and be thankful of every single moment I have with her... sending you love from California.

JTAY said...

SYILL PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!I HAVE SET HERE AND WEPT JUST FEELING YOUR BROKEN HEART!I CAN NOT IMAGINE!MAY GOD CONTINUE TO HOLD YOU TIGHT!GOD BLESS YOU!

SENDING HUGS AND PRAYERS FROM MONTGOMERY,AL.
JESSICA

The Lockwood Family said...

I am crying for you...I am asking the Lord to wrap His arms around you until the day you can hold your precious children again. I am asking Him to fill your heart and mind with His truth as the days ahead will be so hard.
I am praying for your mom's heart too. Praying for your husband and the little one growing inside you.
Crying and praying...
love,
Jaynee

Amanda said...

I cried as I read this. I am so in awe of you and your husband's strength and courage. I pray that God holds you through the coming days and that you can feel His peace. Your children were perfect and beautiful and I know they are smiling in Heaven.

Praying for you,
Amanda

clauvas said...

My heart and prayers are with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Meredith, thank you for having the courage to share your story. You are one strong mommy and ALL your children are so obviously blessed to have you as a mom and your husband as a dad. It is so apparent, the depth of the love you all have for your children. I am continuing to pray for all of you and your little one.
Love in Christ, Laurie Epting, Columbia, SC

Chad and Jessica's Family said...

I read your story and cant imagine the pain and heartache. Jesus heal this mothers heart and bring her a peace you can only bring. Be with this family and hold them in your arms. Amen..... Bless you my sweet sister in the Lord and lean on our Lord always. I am so so so sorry for this but have faith and peace knowing your children will be in your arms again one day.
Jessica

Farmchick said...

Hi-You have amazing courage to write your story. I do not have the words to tell you how sorry I am for your loss--the loss of your sweet precious children. I just learned of you today and will pray for you and your family. May God give you peace as you travel this very difficult journey--
~~ Tania in North Dakota

Farm Fresh Jessica said...

I am so sad for you. Continue to cling to Jesus.

Robina said...

I do not know you but we are sisters in Christ. We are family. Many have you in their thoughts and prayers and though there is no way I can understand what you are going through, please know that your Christian family, from all around the world, are with you. You are not alone.

Our wild zoo! said...

You are so amazing and so strong to share your story. I cried the entire way through your story and just wished to somehow bring you comfort. I know that God has shown big through this and will never disappoint. I just want you to know that a day has not gone by -since hearing your story-that I have not lifted you and your family in prayer. You are an incredible, strong daughter of the King.

Meet the Brummett's said...

I have never met you, but I will definitely never forget your story. Besides never being able to forget such a tragic story, what I will remember and think of most is the strength and faith in God that you are showing. What you and your husband are going through is unimaginable and please know that your family will be in my prayers for continued healing and peace. God Bless!

Meg said...

I cannot believe you were actually able to write this story down, I cannot imagine how hard just writing this was for you. This was such a tragedy and I am so sorry for you and your husband. May God bless you both--you two are incredibly strong and encouraging.

carebear said...

Meredith,
I am so sorry for the loss of your two BEAUTIFUL children. I can not imagine the pain you have felt. I am just at a loss for words. Though I did want to say thank you. Thank you for donating your darling daughters heart. Of course both her and your precious son will live on in your heart and soul, but a part of her will beat in another child, enabling them to run, play and laugh...all because of you...all because of her. Thank you, from another mommy, a mommy whose son is waiting for an organ.
All of my heartfelt gratitude and love. Hugs and Prayers to your family.
Karen

Miss Erin said...

Meredith, I do not know you and had never heard of you until today. My heart aches for you and your family. As the mother of twins I cannot think of anything worse to endure. Your faith is strong, your children are at peace, your family is in my prayers. Erin

Lisa said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. And while I don't know you personally, I feel that we are connected in some way as I know the feeling of having had burried a child.

I want you to know that I am praying SO hard for you. Morning will break and you will rejoice again. Your twins are so beautiful and you are bringing glory to God through this story.

Sara said...

Meredith,

Oh honey, I'm just so sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom but know, your in my prayers.

Sara

Niki said...

I don't know you but came across your blog through a friend of a friend. I am heartbroken for you and your family over the loss of your two precious babies. I have 2small children of my own and can't imagine what you are going through. I am truely inspired by your continued faith in God and how you are relying on him to get you through this horrific time. We don't always know why but we can be sure we will one day be reunited with those we love in Heaven. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers ~

Anonymous said...

I know you do not know me, but after finding your blog in a rare set of circumstances, I felt the Lord leading me to write. I lost my 4 1/2 month old son in June and I just hurt so badly for you. My heart is completely broken and I can only imagine the hurt you are experiencing. The main reason I wanted to write is that my husband is a pastor in California. Our awesome friends and mentors are moving here next week to take a position at our church. Their names are Rick and Judy Taylor. They lost their 5 year old son due to a drowning when he jumped in to save his 2 year old brother. Both boys almost died, but as Judy cried out to the Lord standing in the murky lake water, the two year old floated up. She immediately had to decide to say goodbye to Kyle in order to save Eric. There are lots more details, but I know she would love to talk with you if you would like. I know in my own grief it sure is nice to talk to people who have experienced a similar tragedy. Rick has written a book called "When Life is Changed Forever" that you can read a little bit about their story. Please feel free to email me if you would like to get in contact with her. They are speakers for Family LIfe and travel around all over sharing their story. www.therumleys@sbcglobal.net
BLOG: www.therumleys.com

You are very loved by our Heavenly Father and I pray that He will wrap you with his love and be a source of strength and refuge in deep valley.

Jen Rumley

Anonymous said...

Prayers from West Virginia.

Mary said...

You are an amazing woman. Your children were so lucky to have you in their lives. Now they will watch over you. . .

I cannont imagine what you have and are going through. You, your husband, your mom, the rest of your familes. . . BUT I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care
Mary

Andolicious said...

You are a courageous woman for telling the story of how you lost Kenadi and Brayden. We don't know each other, but I cried reading this post.
I am so sorry you lost your children to a drowning. They were beautiful and I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. I pray that God will be with your mother as well.
My brother was 23 when he died February of last year. He had a heart defect we did not know about. But the hospital had called us to see if we wanted to donate some of his organs, and one that they asked was his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. And my mom said there was no way she would let them take his eyes. Those were his eyes you know? So I understand what went through your head when they asked if you wanted to donate Kenadi's. God bless you and your family. You are in my prayers!

Cathryn said...

Thank you for bravely sharing your story. I wish only the best for you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

Meredith, after reading this story, I am crying my eyes out for you! My heart just aches for you right now. I have never been through what you are going through, but I am amazed at the strength God has given you! I pray for you and your family. I pray for your Mom, what guilt she must have even though this was a complete accident. My Mom keeps my boys for me and I don't know if she could live after dealing with something like this! I hope she is as strong as you are!
Thank you for trusting us with your story, continue to share this story because it is story of lots of hope! You are an amazing women!

Kristine said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so, so sorry for your heart wrenching loss. There really are no words.

Kim Turman said...

Meredith, I just stand in awe of you. It is so obvious how close you are to God right now. I am so sorry we did not get to know the twins. They truly were you and Gregg. I want you to know that Blake and I are praying for you. You are such an inspiration to so many people. I am proud to call you my cousin. Kim

The Salisburys said...

I do not know you but I am weeping right now for you. There are no words to help only a Father in Heaven can give you that stength that you need to face each day. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. May you find rest and comfort in the promise that you will meet your children again someday. Praying for you and your husband.

Karen Harrison said...

Meredith,

I am so proud of you for sharing your story and your incredible pain. I know how awful it must be to carry that around, and I want you to know that I love you and there are so many people who have been touched by your precious babies and your incredible sacrifice. I pray for you each and every day, God brings you to my mind so often. I kiss my twins once for me, and once for you. I know you miss kissing your babies. I wish I could say something that would help, but please know I am here, and I know God brought you into my life for a reason. I hope I can be a comfort to you when you need it.

Karen

Momofgirls said...

Praying for you in California.

Bethany said...

Meredith, thank you for sharing your story so that we may pray specifically for you. I pray that you forget terrible events of that day, but I also pray that you never forget memories of your children...what they wore that day, how they climbed in your lap for stories, their hugs and kisses. We are praying so very hard for you.

Anonymous said...

Meredith, I do know you and have had the privilige to watch you grow and mature into a wonderful, godly young lady. I've always known that you love your Lord, because of your beautiful SMILE and Heart. It was a joy being your high school basketball and softball coach!!(for all who don't know Meredith was a super duper sb player, ALWAYS the dirtiest after a game). Meredith, I've ask God to help me bare some of you burdens, because that's what children of God do. We will never understand how God allows bad things to happen to good people, his people. One day you can ask Him personally. I pray daily for you, Greg, your Mom and the rest of your family. Keep the faith, stay strong, cry when you need to, and continue to Love your God- Love You, Kelley Garner (coach)

Leah said...

My heart breaks for you. God's strength is perfect. Thank you for sharing your story. What an amazing mom you are and the strength you have is admirable.

Jenifer said...

My heart goes out to you ..your in my thoughts and preys and iam so so sorry for your loses

Hilary said...

I also have been praying for you since the accident. May God continue to get you and your family through each and everyday. I know you are broken and sad. Please know that friends are praying for you to fill that void. I am also praying for your mother. I know that she needs prayers too. Thank you for sharing your true feelings, thoughts, and emotions. God Bless you.

Kristin said...

I know words can't make everything better but thank you for sharing this. My son is 3 and he is my everything. You are a strong woman Meredith. I am in tears. Continue to be strong for your little one and I wish you and your husband the very best. Thoughts and prayers from Spring, TX.

Charlene said...

Meredith,
There is not really anything that anyone can say to you at this moment that can take that hurt away. I do not know you, but someone sent your story and I have cried all the way through it. You see, my husband and I buried our first child. She was only 4 days old. We were not even supposed to have her that long. We were like you and your husband. We spent every second with her that we could. I was given her to hold as she slowly drew her last breath. Only God gave us the strength to get through all of those "firsts". He will do the same for you and your husband. It is unnatural for parents to bury their children. We will forever be a member of a club that I did not sign up for as you are now. I wanted to share a little of my story and hope it will give you some comfort. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve. You grieve like you want to and ever how long you want to. There is no way to tell someone how to get through something unless they have gone through it themselves. We can comfort each others as we are comforted. That is what Christ tells us to do. I never understood that verse until I was comforted by Him. May God continue to use you as you share your story with the world and you can give Him the glory for that strength!!

Anonymous said...

Please tell us how your mother is doing. My heart aches for her...

Amanda said...

Meredith and Gregg,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet babies. Please take comfort in knowing they are forever in the arms of Jesus and you will see them again one day just as happy and beautiful as the memories are you have shared with them. Thank you for sharing your story.

Hugs to you and your family from Calera, Al.

Nicole said...

Meredith, I do not know your family, but my heart is broken for you. I cried when I read your story. You have amazing strength to even type all of that. There is nothing I can say that will help, but I am praying for your family and that your little angels help you heal. Much love and prayers.
-Nicole

Nicole said...

Meredith, I do not know your family, but my heart is broken for you. I cried when I read your story. You have amazing strength to even type all of that. There is nothing I can say that will help, but I am praying for your family and that your little angels help you heal. Much love and prayers.
-Nicole

Angie Rachels said...

Though I do not know you, I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I read this post. My heart breaks fro your family. As amother myself, I could never imagine losing my children. I pray that the Lord will give your family a peace that only He can give. And I pray that He will bless you as you welcome your child in a few months.

God bless!

Linda:) said...

There are no words...
I am so sorry.

Ramona said...

Meredith, there are so many things you have so eloquently described that I could never put into words. I knew my sweet Elizabeth was already in Heaven before the ER staff gave up reviving her. I had a peace in that ER that no one else could understand unless you've been there. I know, too, that although we are brave to the rest of the world, there are days that are so tough you think you won't make it. But by the grace of God we do make it and are hopefully a Christian example in a world full of hopelessness. I pray for y'all every day. It will get easier with time, but the twins will always be with a part of your life. I never have an answer ready for the "Do you have children?" question. I always rely on the Lord to help me answer it if it is a situation I can glorify him in. Sometimes, it's just easier to say no. May God bless you and your family!
Ramona King Pace

Rebecca M. said...

I found your blog from a prayer request on Kelly's Korner. I've been reading for a few weeks but haven't known what to say.

I'm married to a great man and we have a beautiful 7 month old son. But my pregnancy wasn't planned and it's been a hard adjustment for us. Nicholas is not a good sleeper, is often cranky, etc. I always wanted to be a SAHM, but figured I had a few more years in the workplace. Now, I often feel isolated at home. I've been feeling down, thinking how hard this is, wondering what I've missed out on by becoming a mom "so young."

Then the other day I realized that you are only 3 weeks younger than me. WOW. It was a BIG reality check for me. You have been through so much -- mom to twins, then to lose them in such a horrible way. I have NOTHING to complain about, in comparison.

One more thing I want to say -- you have no reason to blame yourself for what happened. I'm sure you told them to never go in the water without you. But they were only 2 years old. Kids love water. I don't think it was Satan tempting them or anything like that. They were just curious kids, beautiful little children who wanted to explore their world. This is so much worse because it WAS preventable, but the mistake was not yours.

Hilltrain said...

I just found your blog through another one. I am so very, very sorry about your babies!!!!! I cried through several of your posts (esp. this one) and cannot imagine what it's like. Oh...I am just so unbelievably sorry. They are such absolutely beautiful children.

I'm praying for you and your hubby and wee little one. And your mom...I hope she's ok....

Jen said...

Meredith,

Like so many others I have just sobbed my way through this post. The fact that you are still able to praise the Lord through such a tragedy is evidence in itself that we have a very loving and powerful God; as there is no way anyone could show the strength and joy (in learning of others salvation) you have shown in such a situation without Him. What an incredible testimony you are and will continue to be.

As I pray for you, I pray that God's comfort and peace that passes all understanding will cover you and your family during this most difficult period in your life.

I will continue to pray for you all.

Your sister in Christ,
Jen Johnson

The Real Me said...

Meredith, I don't know you and I was looking through blogs on here and found this one. That is so sad! I don't know how you feel because I'm young but that touched me. They look soo cute. But God has a plan for you and won't give you anything you can't handle. I admire that you could put such a story on here. That is amazing. Your twins will forever touch my heart and be in it each and everyday. That touched my heart so much.

Love from Kentucky,
Touched.

keight dukes said...

wow. i found your blog through the most random of twists and turns and links and i am so glad and so heartbroken that i did. i am so glad you know jesus and have through this entire tragedy. there really just aren't words for what you've had to go through. i can say that your candor in sharing your story has changed my life forever. every time i start to get annoyed with my 13 month old son i think of you and i appreciate his health and his life and that god is letting me have him for that moment at least. i am praying for you and can't wait to see you are your babes reunited and with jesus one day in heaven!